Yomim NoRaim

The Yomim NoRaim are approaching real fast. Can you believe Rosh Hashanah is in just a mere four days away? The day Hashem judges us and writes the upcoming year for us. Our future. The one we always try to plan and keep forgetting that we are not the Master Planner. We forget that there is a Planner whom we cannot see who controls the strings and the way things turn out. We forget. Now is the time to remember. To plead with the Planner Himself for what we want.

How we neglect to realize that what we want might not be good for us. We think we will be happy with it. We feel we deserve more because look at our neighbors, they have the good life, the luxuries they don't even realize. I would treat it better. If I had that, I would never do such a thing. Of course not. But do you realize that what you have and your neighbor does not, they are doing the same to you. Looking at what you have and how if they had it, would be much better at it. Of course. We don't have that nisayon. We don't have that luxury just yet.

Patience. Tefilos. Tears. Kavanah. Meaningful prayers are needed. Daven for your neighbor before yourself. Daven that they have all the good and that you wont have green eyes on them. Daven for a healthy family. A whole family. A wealthy family. For all the good should fall on them. And for yourself, Hashem knows what you need. Hashem cares for you too. Hashem loves you. There are no favorite children here. We are all one. We are all Hahsems favorite. We all get what we deserve.

What we deserve. In whose eyes? Who is doing the calculation? Who is judging? We mortals do not know what is going on with the books. There is no accountant there saying what is equal or not. No lawyer fighting for an equal share. Just us mortals down below who think we know what is equal. What is fair?

Do we forget that this is Olam Hazeh. Not the ultimate world? Do we need reminders that this is not permanent? Do we need petches? What do we need to keep us on our toes that Moshiach is on His way and we need to be ready? What is important to us? Where are our suitcases packed and waiting for redemption? If they are not ready, do we really believe? Do you really believe?...

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Changes

Changes are no fun. Why do people find that changes are hard and don’t like it? Are we all set in our ways and once we know how to do something we do not want to change them because we are comfortable and we don’t like to be uncomfortable and when we change things, we need time to adjust to it? Why are we so afraid of changes? Why do we feel that change is bad? Not all changes are bad and therefore no need to worry.

Marriage is a big change in life. Especially when you are a bit older and have been living a single life. Not to say there is no change if you get married very young. But it gets harder when you are older and have gotten a regiment and used to doing things your way. But why not open ourselves up to different ideas and approaches on doing things. Again, why are we so afraid to open up to changes? In marriage you are taking two people who grew up differently and making them live together and come up with a plan on how they want to run their household. Now that is a big change, but it is done! As so many are married and doing it. It is scary to think that what you do now, will have to change once you are married because you have another person to consider. The world is not revolving around you. Go figure. It might take us some time to realize that, but it is true.

Another change that is drastic is kids. Before you adjusted your life to your spouse and that took time to get used to. And then when kids come around, they show you who is the boss around the house. They make you change your sleep cycle and your daily cycle on what you are so used to doing. Whether it is going to work every day or sleeping late, or being lazy, or being overly productive. Once kids come around, you will need to change your lifestyle once again to accommodate the new people who you need to care for.

Moving and going on with life is a change. If you move from city to city, you are changing your neighbors, and your hometown, and your location. You just got used to the people, you got to know them real well and then you move. Go figure. Such is life. It happens to the best of all.


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Poing?

So is this a dare or a test? Am I being tested now to see if I can be the ultimate hocker and blogger by updating my page often enough that my readers do not forget me even if I do not have much to say? Hmm so let’s think about this for a minute.

There are many other hockers out there who have not updated in a while, and yet, I seem to be the one singled out to update because that will prove my status, my ratings. I think I am for this, you ready to read on?

The point in blogging for me is to write when I feel like it. To have readers read and comment on my works. You see, I like many others, think I like to write, except when pressured to write or need to research for college. This blog is a pressurized blog, to see if I pass the test. So I will try my hardest to find something to write about just to say I can hack it.

No one seems to have commented on my previous blog about e-mails. I guess I am losing readers and this in it of itself will be a waste of time for me to type up, because I don’t have a fan club yet. A fan club. Hey, I like that idea. A fan club for TooHock. Sounds nice.

Well, I’m not going to embarrass myself anymore and make believe there is a real point to this blog, because even I can’t think of one…but I guess I can always use this as a shout out:

Mazel Tov to SHE who is engaged to her PeterPan (if you read her site, you will understand the amazing and beautiful hashgacha in this engagement)

So until next time….adios!

Blogger's block

I’m losing my touch. I can’t think of something to write about. Is this what people call writers’ block? Or in this case is it blogger’s block? In any event, I am wracking my brains trying to think of something that will entice a response from my non-existence readers, but to no avail. Blank. Nothing. Nadda. Can’t think of what to write about that is of interest to you guys. I thought my last topic, about emails was funny, I am sure that it has happened to you at least once, but no one said a word about it. I know I have readers, as I see the counter go up in numbers daily, but no one seems to want to give feedback.
I guess I am not the only one who has writers block. You do too.
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Emails

Email. Don’t you love the new technology of getting information from point a to point b? Forget the postage stamp of 37 cents, forget going to a mail box and dropping your letter in it, you just type your message on the computer, hit the send key and off it goes to the receiver. For free. No paying per letter, no mail box and dropping the letter off. It can be a note to say hi, or a long letter, anything you want it to be. So easy since you are already sitting at a computer. It is effortless and painless. What can be wrong with email? It is so simple, anyone can use it.

Well, let me tell you a funny mishap, it is funny now, after the fact. The other day I was typing a letter to send to someone. I was a little annoyed at first so I made mentioned what I was annoyed about and then went on to the mundane information I needed to share with that person. It wasn’t so private or personal, but the first paragraph was, as it showed my annoyance. I click from my address book and send. I happen to be using hotmail and when it finishes sending your email it tells you your mail was sent to that person. I take a look at the recipient and gasped! That was NOT the person to whom I addressed the letter to! No! No! No! I looked at my address book and realized that I had clicked on the name just below the rightful owner of that email. What could I do? I was stuck in such an embarrassing situation. I did not want that friend reading the email when it was not meant for her to read it. I realized that with hotmail, there was nothing I could do. So I emailed that friend, and told her, please forward the email back to me. And I hoped for the best. I thought about it for a moment and was happy that at least my error was favorable, and I trusted this friend not to read it any further than the salutation, realizing it was not for her. And she would delete it without causing me embarrassment.

When I spoke to her later that evening, she told me exactly that. She deleted the email until she read my next email asking her to send it back to me, I was thinking of resending it to the original person, but then I realized the information was already stale. My annoyance was old and unnecessary to reiterate it again and the rest of the email was unimportant by the time I received it back.

So this escapade made me think about emails. Who would think that this would happen? When you write a simple letter you address the envelope to who you want it to go to. You do not normally make this mistake in addressing an envelope to someone else! But with emails and electronics, we rely on them so heavily that we forget that we can make mistakes with them as well. Once an email is sent, there is no way to retrieve it (unless you are using AOL). It makes you think twice before you are sending an email to someone.

But apply this to other things in life. When we say things to people we cannot take back what we said. There is no “delete sent mail” option in real life. We must be careful with what we say! Words can hurt a person whether we intended it to or not. So with two weeks to Rosh Hashana, take the time and realize what you say and what you email. Think about it before you say or send. Would you regret this if it reached the wrong ears or eyes? And if yes, is it worth to say or write?
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Remember 9-11-01

I was driving to work today with the news on. What an emotional drive that was for me. Hearing these little children read 1200 plus names and occasionally add in “my father…” “my mother..” it tore at my heart! The tears stayed in, but the lump in my throat would not go away, for a long time!

For those who don’t know, today is the anniversary of that day. You know the day very well it was on the news non-stop. The day that changed the United States of America, the way we know it, forever. I am talking about 9-11-01.

I have heard people saying that that day did not affect them at all. They didn’t have relatives who worked in NYC, they don’t live in NYC, or what have you, and therefore they are and were unaffected by the tragic events that took place. That is completely false, and I do not understand how they really believe it.

Do you realize that from that day onward, the USA changed from the way we have known it to be? Let me explain this to you. No matter where you live, even if you live under a rock somewhere you were affected you just might not be aware of it. USA has lost its freedom. Lost the security of having a free life. We had a worried free life here the USA. We were NOT worried about terrorist before this somber day. You see if you compare to Israel and say well they live with terrorists bombing, etc, now we are getting a taste of their daily lifestyle. Yes, we got the taste, but you see we are different here in the USA. We never had to worry about it and the land of Israel always had this history with her enemies. SO stop comparing the two. We are in America we do not have terrorists’ actions so known to us going on here. We do not have people who would bomb themselves up to kill others. We do not have…. oh, I forgot, we do have this now. We do need to worry about the person sitting next to us on the train who is acting a weird, and jumpy. We are going to analyze every mid eastern looking man now even more so then before.

We are afraid now. We live in fear. We did not have this two years and one day ago. We were living life they way we always lived it. Now we are more protective of our life. Now we make sure there’s security outside all the shuls on the Yomim Noraim, tighter security than prior years. If we were not affected, why do we have this? Do those people who don’t want to think about how it affected them see this? Do they realize that we lost or security in living in America? And that the Jews are being subjected to scrutiny because the rest of the world feels that the Jews knew about, they had to know, because so many were late to work that day, or didn’t show up. So we knew and just didn’t share the news with the rest of the world. Anti-Semitism is rising once again, and that is directed towards us, since we are Jewish.

Did you also note what the affects of having the financial district close up for a long time? Having the stock market shut down for weeks on end, and not sure what will happen? Even if you do not own stock, you realized that the US economy was affected and still struggling to go back up. Yes, it the 9-11-01 tragedies are still crippling us, and we are only now trying to get out of it. That is just financially. Imagine the organizations who collect Tzedaka from people and they rely on certain donors to give them a large sum, and now, they are not getting it anymore, so they not only do they need the small check, they need a backer once again. You see our schools are affected because of the supporters might have taken a big hit from the stock market and now are unable to support the organizations they used to support. This is our future! So yes, it does directly affect us a whole!

We live in the USA we owe the USA for letting us live the way we live and not question and bother us regarding our religious beliefs. We need to thank the country for letting us live here for as long as we have. Go back in history, and look how the Jews were persecuted in each country there were in. The Romans, the Greeks, Egypt. Yes they were all part of Hashem’s master plan, but here we are living free to do what we need to do. In Europe, just a few generations ago we have the holocaust that tried to destroy us, and USA accepted us into their country to live free. FREE! Something our brethrens in Europe now don’t always get to see (Belgium where anti Semitism is strong!!).

So before you say that what goes in USA does NOT affect you, think again. Think of the repercussions. Remember that being a Jew, we are always blamed for things and will be used as scapegoats.

REMEMBER 9-11-01. WE SHALL NEVER FORGET!

Death

I apologize to you in advance. I know that someone wrote about it recently and I held back for a while, but I felt that it is a fine time now to write about it.

Last week, I get a call on my voicemail. “Hi Too Hock, it’s me, calling to say, give me a call when you get a chance”. And sure do I call back. Haven’t spoken to her in a long time and I was happy to hear her from her. So I call her back expecting it to be light conversation. “Hi, it’s Too Hock. I got your message, how are you?” “I’m fine B”H, and you?” the usual for a minute or two, and then “oh, you remember when I asked you to say Tehillim for my mom?” “Uh, yeah” “well, she was niftira this past Shabbos.” SHOCK! Total and utter shock. Nothing could be said at that minute. I mean I needed time to process this information. I mean this girl is around my age, and her mother was very young! YOUNG! So I just listen to her and ask the right questions.

It seems that her mother was sick and was in the hospital for a few months. And when my friend spoke to the Dr and the nurse and whoever works with the patients, they told her that she is a strong woman. That though what she is sick with (kidney failure) is fatal, she has a strong heart that will keep her alive. This was on Thursday. Shabbos they get a call. It is all over. What happened to the strong heart? What happened to what they just said a day ago? Why did this happen now? Why? Why? Why?

I did not know what to say to her, but I somehow managed to say the right words to her. And expressed my sympathies to her. I felt horrible that I was unaware of this at the time, and therefore didn’t do a lot of things that I should have done. Called more often. Really say Tehillim, had I known it was fatal. Visit her mother in the hospital, even if she did not know me so well. And call and offer support to my friend. To lose a parent at any age is hard. And though this girl is married with kids, it is hard for her. Her mother a’h was a young woman. But B’H she was able to see her daughter married and know the grandchildren, and have names for her parents. That was what she wanted. What do you say? B”H my mom is healthy and around. No matter how old you are, you need your mother. So, I told her the usual. She is not suffering anymore. We are really selfish.

SELFISH? Yes, you read correctly. We are selfish when it comes to death. We are sad when someone dies and wonder why it happened to US! In this case, the mother is NOT suffering anymore and in the Olam HaEmes. Why should she still be suffering in this world when she is going to a better place? Just because we need her and because we want her too…that makes us selfish. When someone close to us dies, we are sad and we want him or her to still be here. We don’t really look at where they are going and what is happening.

This is the will of Hashem. He pulls all the strings here. The whole purpose of this world is to prepare us of the next. We need to take advantage of the fact that we are still here and able to mitzvos and score points for the future generations and ourselves. It is also Chodesh ELUL. Rosh Hashana is so close! Hashem will soon be decreeing the New Year for us, and now is the time we have to add our two cents in and ask for things. Hashem is always listening. But we need to remember that the Master Himself plans the master plan and we mortals do not understand all that is happening. We do not understand why things are done and can only try to make sense of it. At times, it can take years and years to understand on our level why something happened. Though at the time it happened, we are sad and clueless as to the why! Years later, when we grow up and live life, we get to see a glimpse of Hashem’s reasoning.

You see we don’t always have to see they Why’s in life. But it is good to occasionally see them so to restore our emunah. It can get very hard and frustrating to blindly accept things when they are meant to hurt us. So when us humans get to understand something, we feel better. It helps us.

Tomorrow is also the anniversary of September 11, 2001. The date we will all remember 9-11-01. Although some think they might not have been affected by it, they are wrong. EVERYONE was affected and still being affected by it in some way (a discussion that doesn’t fit in with this one). Do we yet understand the Why’s in this occurrence? Do we understand how it could have happened? And let us not forget the most recent bombing where a father and daughter who was supposed to get married the next night were killed instantly? A father talking to his daughter the night before her chasunah! Giving her last minute advice and fatherly love, blown up because this is what Hahsem wants!

ELUL is banging at our door. Can you hear the knocking?! It is getting louder and louder but yet, at times, it seems that we are all sleeping. How louder does Hashem need to knock? I think it is all time for us to do teshuva, tefillah and tzedakah!

K’siva V’chasima Tova. (I am early, but it fits in)
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Hi!

Just a short post to say HI! and I have not forgotten you dedicated readers out there. Life just a bit hectic here, so I will try to find time to blog here.

Work is fine. Getting things in order now that the computer systems are sorta back and running with out getting error codes every five minutes...just like every 2 hours instead. But I did my part today and got a lot done!

What's life outside of work? For those of you who work, sometimes wonder if there is really life outside of work. For those who work part time, of course there is life, since you are only at work for a short period of time, to pass time. But for those who work full time, is there really life outside of work?

Then the students ask, if there is life outside of school. You see, school for students is compared to full time work for those not in school. It is the responsibility that must be done. Why not? Need to make sure we get out things done what is required of us. So students need to focus on what is their responsibilities which is school. And adults need to focus on their responsibilities whatever they might be.

So my responsibility right now is NOT blogging, so I will catch you all later, but please, say HI back!
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Honesty.

How many people are really honest out there? Do you go back to a store if you look at your receipt and notice that they undercharged? Or, do you say to yourself “That’s great! It was cheaper than I thought!” What are we obligated to do in such case as an Orthodox Jew?

Why am I bringing this up now? Well for starters it is Chodesh Elul. That means that Rosh Hashanah is creeping upon us and we need to be extra careful with what we do and how we act. The next is a personal story I just heard.

Payday. The day we all get paid and get excited about. Who wouldn’t? You finally get to see compensation for all your hard work that you have been for the past week or so since your last paycheck. You know the money you get? You already spend it before you get it. Well in this story something interesting happened.

The check was received and reviewed. And what do you know! The check is for more money than it should be. A raise was in affect for the beginning of the month, but the check was for work for the previous months work. So what happens now? Is the employee obligated to tell the boss of the mistake or just keep the extra bonus and not say anything, no one will notice? The accountant? I mean eventually they might figure it out, but when.

So being an orthodox Jew, and Chodesh Elul when the check was received, what was the first reaction? Go to the accountant and say, “the increase is too soon”. As the employee walked out of the office someone who overheard the conversation said, “fool”. The employee turned around and said, “ It is Elul”. And walked away. At least the employee felt that the right thing was done. Now it is up to the higher ups to do something about it.

So please, sign the guest book and offer your opinions and thoughts on this!

Wedding Shticks

Where does the concept of having shtick at weddings come from? Most of the weddings I have gone to, no matter where they where, had shtick. The Kallah’s friends were in charge and made sure they were sameyach the kallah with the latest shtick. The choson’s friends had their own shtick and even costumes! They are great; everyone enjoys them and has fun with them. Usually.

But where does this custom come from? Why do we find it necessary to spend the extra money to enhance the wedding? Isn’t the mere fact that the people are there and dancing enough? Do we need outside influence now to make the weddings a greater wedding? The prices and the shtick itself can get outrageous!

You have teddy bears on sticks holding balloon filled confetti so the kallah can stand on a chair or not and pop the balloons. You have pompoms, batons, arches made of silk flowers, or helium balloons, or forget the arch, have balloons fall down the choson and kallah walk in. There are Disney characters that visit, or other such costumes that the crowd rents and dances with out showing their identity. There’s the usual umbrella, that copies the May Day affair and the bride holds this umbrella with colorful ribbon streaming down, and the girls dance around her. Oh, and let’s not forget the M A Z E L T O V signs the girls hold up and dance around with, along with some whips, and what have you.

Now, I do love the shtick! They are cute and the kallah likes them. But what is the real point of them? I mean it is nice to make the kallah happy, but there are other ways to make her happy. Show up. Dance. She is happy with that, isn’t she? Does the shtick make a wedding? Why does one feel that the kallah is a nebach, if the shtick isn’t up to par with the latest fad? The huge flowers that people dance with? Some of them are so useless there is not point in them other than to be different!

I have been to one wedding where there has been no shtick. The kallah was an older teacher in a BY school and she was also a Baalas Teshuva. She had her wedding in a smaller place than the norm, and the crowd was thinner. The girls whom she taught the previous year were invited for dancing and boy did they dance. Remember these girls were just a year out of high school. This was a wedding. It did not matter that the kallah was ten years their senior (at least) and it didn’t matter that no one thought to bring shtick. The dancing was amazing. The girls used what ever they had to use and made it a very leibadike wedding. Now mind you there were about twelve girls there dancing and the rest of the crowd was older then them. The girls took to the music and took charge when they felt the dancing was getting shvach. The napkins, plain old napkins sitting on the tables were used as whips, fans, and of course they made her jump rope with them. The girls took the napkins and used them as pom-poms while dancing. You see, it might not have been bright with different arrays of colors and different shtick to enhance the wedding, but the kallah was radiant, the girls were glowing and the guests were in for a big surprise. The girls made the Rebbetzins dance and made the “bubbies” who stand on the side line come and dance. The older kallah never looked so happy. It was a wedding!

That is what I call mesameyach the kallah. Not the colorful pom-poms or try to outdo the previous wedding with the most current and updated and never seen before shtick. The point of the shtick if for her, and she was happy with what she saw. She never expected such a dance and she got a surprise. A happy surprise. And the girls, whether they realize it or not did a tremendous mitzvah that will be rewarded one day. I don’t know if they know what a mitzvah they did, but it was surely appreciative.

So the next time you are asked to bring shtick to a wedding, think real hard and find out where else the money can go to and cut down a bit. Is it really necessary to have all the fan fare there? Is it really called for? Can’t we use what we have at the hall, or make some cute funny shtick for her and just dance with the kallah? Try it; you might start a new fad.

Mazel Tov.
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Identity Crisis

Ever decide to go on line under a new screen name and talk to your usual friends online and see what they think of you or about others, or better yet, just to see how they react to having a new person on line shmoozing with them. I remember a friend telling me a story where her screen name was copied and someone was using her screen name on line in char rooms. How did she hear about this? Well, when she went online into her favorite chat room she saw it. The same name only a bit different from hers. Very confusing to the naked eye.

How she researched so hard to find out who the character was behind this practical joke, but alas, to no avail, she could not find a culprit who was willing to admit to this doing. As time went on, this was not a practical joke anymore. This person, caused her to have an identity crisis and to go into hiding for a little while. You see the joke went far beyond a friendly joke. This person was making up lies about her and telling things that were not true. And yet, she could not find the person who was behind the joke. But you know what, life goes on, and so did she. She kept her screen name and forgot about the shadow. And nothing happened. She stopped trying to find out who he/she is/was and went about her doing. She warned her friends that it was not her and to make sure she was she before they started talking to her online. Life moved on. And she is now worried free. That is behind her now.

Why do people do this? Why is there a need to drive someone crazy with fear or with anxity worrying who is stalking them and offering free information to others whether or not the info is true or not. Why are there frum people out there who would do this? Is this considered fun? Is this a new way of teasing other people? A new way to stalk people without them knowing they are being stalked? When you are online chatting/IMing with another person, how do you know that you really know that person? Is it possible that there are non-Jews reading my hock right now? I mean I see there are people who sign and don’t leave a name, so I do not know who they are! And now that gets me thinking that there are readers whom I never heard of. I don’t know the readers, but I have heard of them, so I feel safer when I “know” who is reading. But then you also have those who do not sign. Who are they? How did they find this site? Why don’t they feel the need to sign? And those who do sign, why don’t they clue me on who they are??

So many things going on the web these days, one needs to be super careful. Even if you think you know the person, make sure that he/she is who you really think it is. You never know who it might be.
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