What is the Right and What is Not

The scenario is as follows. A group of people mingling. They are all married. Let's say there are four couples there. Is there anything wrong with that? I am talking about a motzei Shabbos. Four couples decide to go bowling. They are all sitting together and talking and bowling. They also go for pizza. Is there something wrong with that?

The next scenario is the same, except it's four couples who are dating. Anything wrong?

The next, four couples who are engaged and married. What is wrong?

I am trying to figure this out. What is the proper way to get together with friends when dealing with a mixed crowd. Mixed meaning mixed gender and mixed married versus singles, versus engaged couples.

Now I guess this all depends on your hashkafa. I just don't understand. You can have a couple over on Shabbos, so there will be two and two. Yet, I have friends who say they will never ever speak to their spouses friends. I just do not get it. Or they will never ever speak to their friends spouse. Go figure. I can't fathom this religious upbringing. If you are married is it written that it is assur to talk to the opposite gender? I thought we got over this while dating. I mean they are not chassidish. Do you not speak to your sons Rebbie when there is PTA? Do you not speak to your daughters teacher at PTA? Do you not speak to the shopkeeper? What about the cleaners? Don't you get your alterations done by the lady who works there? Please explain to me these rules.

Now I have a friend who when single would go to his friends house to eat. He would shmooze all Shabbos afternoon with the wife. They would sit and talk for hours on end, and plenty of times the husband went to sleep. The wife stayed up to clean up, and the guy never left...He would talk to her. Ask her advice on dating and other such questions. One conversation let to another. He would talk to her about his past dates and about his current single situation. He needed someone his age to talk to and try to figure out the female mind. The husband didn't mind. He wasn't much help to his friend..But being that his wife had single friends and understood the girl side and being that she was a girl herself..He figured he could bow out of the conversations. Is there something wrong with that?

Another situation I head is where the husband has total control of his wife. He will not allow her to talk to members of the opposite sex. He is very paranoid and feels that even a simple "Hello" means his wife is flirting, and he refuses to even let his friends talk to his wife. He is a control freak and not normal. Is that the right way? Assume the worst so don't even let it get that far?

I just don't get it. What is the correct way? Are there guidelines for how group of friends can get together? Does everything we do need to be done with a mechitza and separate? Are we not allowed to mingle with the opposite sex and take such precaution in case something might happen?

Please explain...

Still around. I just contemplate what you readers really want to read. I don't get feedback, so I am left to assume that there are no more readers, and you have gone your own ways. I really do like getting comments, so I know there are real people who have the time to read.

Go ahead, don't be afrain, I really wont bite if you sign..that you were here...

so many blogs to read, I know...but don't forget the ones who were here first.

Have a good Shabbos!

Phone Calls

I overheard this married girl talking on the phone. She seemed to be in a deep conversation with her phone mate, when all of a sudden she hangs up the phone. I asked her why, and she responded that her friends’ husband just came home and she had to go. "Weren't you just in middle of a deep conversation?" I asked her, "yes" was the reply. End of discussion. No need to rehash with her how she felt about her friend.

I asked around and found that this is the norm. It is normal for friends to shmooze on the phone until their spouse comes home from yeshiva, work, chavrusah, or shopping. Once the husband is home, they give their full attention to him, whether he wants it or not. Whether they are in middle of an emotional conversation with a friend, or just reminiscing or just talking. No matter what, as soon as that door opens, down goes the phone.
Is it just me, or do you feel bad for the friend whom she was on the phone with? I mean, if I was on an emotional tirade and my friend hangs up on me because her husband just walked in, I would still feel rejected from my friend. This person feels horrible that she was pouring out her emotions and feelings and then just dumped when her friend’s door opens. Not even an "I will speak to you later" or "be strong, it will be okay" Nothing of that sort. Just "gotta go, bye" and then the slamming of the phone.
My opinion is, either you know when your husband comes home and not be on a call from five minutes before he comes home, or you nicely tell your friend that you need to go but you will call her back and what she said is important to you, but right now you must go. I don't see husbands hanging up the phone the minute the wife walks through the door. So are the wives doing that? Remember, not everyone you speak to is married, or has the same lifestyle as you. By hanging up the phone without a comment of such hurts the people you are talking to whether it is a friend or even a parent, or boss, or teacher. Always remember not to hurt people’s feelings because of your agenda. Not everyone understands why you do the things you do.
On one hand I understand when the husband walks in, he should be the center of her attention. Everything should fall to the waste side, and nothing bad should be spoken. Giving him a huge smile and a drink in hand, take his coat from him and get his slippers. Let him complain about work and the wife gives him a hot meal, a massage and what have you. Never once complaining about her day or what went wrong with the kids or the house or whatever. Nope, none of that. Okay, so maybe I am exaggerating from the 40's where that was normal. Today this is not.
What are these young ladies portraying to their husbands? Are they afraid of their husbands, and afraid to show that they have a life outside the home? Are they in fear of him that they feel the need to hang up the phone right away? Is it really for shalom bayis that when he walks through the door the wife is there all dressed up and with a full face of makeup and has a warm supper awaiting for him, no matter what time he walks in that door? Is it fair to her friend what she does? What is the right thing to do?? Wives work. Wives have a social life and other responsibilities. Yes the husband is important, but not the only one who counts anymore. She also needs to care for friends and that shows character flaw when hanging up on a friend just because the husband walks in.

Chanukkah Gifts

Where did it come from that we give Chanukkah gifts? And why do we give the kids chanukah gelt as well?

Being a kid, I didn't mind, but as an adult I am wondering when and where did this come from.

I gave my Chanukkah presents out this year. I was stuck on one person and wasn't sure what to give. I knew they wanted a specific item. But I myself didn't know where to buy it or which specific item it was. So I opted out on class and gave cash. My cash that I saved for myself to treat myself to something expensive that I have wanted for over a year but could never afford via regular expense. I gave most of that money to the person and said "you must buy that thing that you want" Of course being me, I asked before hand how much it was and gave extra money so that there are other things that can be bought. I do hope that the item in question will be purchased or, do I have the right to be upset if it is not bought and the money goes back into circulation to pay for other things?

I love receiving gifts. They are fun. I always requested that when I get a gift from this one person, I want it to be done right. Gift wrapped is a must. And on occasion, cards are nice as well, like when it is my birthday. Why not? I do the same. I gift wrap and give a card. Well, this year I got a Chanukkah present. It was gift wrapped much to my surprise. Of course I knew what it was which took away from the surprise of the gift. But I got what I wanted. A wrapped gift. I guess I cannot complain. I had help opening it up and was pleasantly surprised. No card, but hey it was Chanukah. Not a birthday or anything..So that was excused.

The irony of the whole thing was, when I gave my present. It was not wrapped. Granted it was cash, but still it should have been put with a card or something. Oh well. You win some. You lose some.

But where did the gift idea come from? Are we following the customs of the goyim during this season?