Phone Calls
I overheard this married girl talking on the phone. She seemed to be in a deep conversation with her phone mate, when all of a sudden she hangs up the phone. I asked her why, and she responded that her friends’ husband just came home and she had to go. "Weren't you just in middle of a deep conversation?" I asked her, "yes" was the reply. End of discussion. No need to rehash with her how she felt about her friend.
I asked around and found that this is the norm. It is normal for friends to shmooze on the phone until their spouse comes home from yeshiva, work, chavrusah, or shopping. Once the husband is home, they give their full attention to him, whether he wants it or not. Whether they are in middle of an emotional conversation with a friend, or just reminiscing or just talking. No matter what, as soon as that door opens, down goes the phone.
Is it just me, or do you feel bad for the friend whom she was on the phone with? I mean, if I was on an emotional tirade and my friend hangs up on me because her husband just walked in, I would still feel rejected from my friend. This person feels horrible that she was pouring out her emotions and feelings and then just dumped when her friend’s door opens. Not even an "I will speak to you later" or "be strong, it will be okay" Nothing of that sort. Just "gotta go, bye" and then the slamming of the phone.
My opinion is, either you know when your husband comes home and not be on a call from five minutes before he comes home, or you nicely tell your friend that you need to go but you will call her back and what she said is important to you, but right now you must go. I don't see husbands hanging up the phone the minute the wife walks through the door. So are the wives doing that? Remember, not everyone you speak to is married, or has the same lifestyle as you. By hanging up the phone without a comment of such hurts the people you are talking to whether it is a friend or even a parent, or boss, or teacher. Always remember not to hurt people’s feelings because of your agenda. Not everyone understands why you do the things you do.
On one hand I understand when the husband walks in, he should be the center of her attention. Everything should fall to the waste side, and nothing bad should be spoken. Giving him a huge smile and a drink in hand, take his coat from him and get his slippers. Let him complain about work and the wife gives him a hot meal, a massage and what have you. Never once complaining about her day or what went wrong with the kids or the house or whatever. Nope, none of that. Okay, so maybe I am exaggerating from the 40's where that was normal. Today this is not.
What are these young ladies portraying to their husbands? Are they afraid of their husbands, and afraid to show that they have a life outside the home? Are they in fear of him that they feel the need to hang up the phone right away? Is it really for shalom bayis that when he walks through the door the wife is there all dressed up and with a full face of makeup and has a warm supper awaiting for him, no matter what time he walks in that door? Is it fair to her friend what she does? What is the right thing to do?? Wives work. Wives have a social life and other responsibilities. Yes the husband is important, but not the only one who counts anymore. She also needs to care for friends and that shows character flaw when hanging up on a friend just because the husband walks in.
I asked around and found that this is the norm. It is normal for friends to shmooze on the phone until their spouse comes home from yeshiva, work, chavrusah, or shopping. Once the husband is home, they give their full attention to him, whether he wants it or not. Whether they are in middle of an emotional conversation with a friend, or just reminiscing or just talking. No matter what, as soon as that door opens, down goes the phone.
Is it just me, or do you feel bad for the friend whom she was on the phone with? I mean, if I was on an emotional tirade and my friend hangs up on me because her husband just walked in, I would still feel rejected from my friend. This person feels horrible that she was pouring out her emotions and feelings and then just dumped when her friend’s door opens. Not even an "I will speak to you later" or "be strong, it will be okay" Nothing of that sort. Just "gotta go, bye" and then the slamming of the phone.
My opinion is, either you know when your husband comes home and not be on a call from five minutes before he comes home, or you nicely tell your friend that you need to go but you will call her back and what she said is important to you, but right now you must go. I don't see husbands hanging up the phone the minute the wife walks through the door. So are the wives doing that? Remember, not everyone you speak to is married, or has the same lifestyle as you. By hanging up the phone without a comment of such hurts the people you are talking to whether it is a friend or even a parent, or boss, or teacher. Always remember not to hurt people’s feelings because of your agenda. Not everyone understands why you do the things you do.
On one hand I understand when the husband walks in, he should be the center of her attention. Everything should fall to the waste side, and nothing bad should be spoken. Giving him a huge smile and a drink in hand, take his coat from him and get his slippers. Let him complain about work and the wife gives him a hot meal, a massage and what have you. Never once complaining about her day or what went wrong with the kids or the house or whatever. Nope, none of that. Okay, so maybe I am exaggerating from the 40's where that was normal. Today this is not.
What are these young ladies portraying to their husbands? Are they afraid of their husbands, and afraid to show that they have a life outside the home? Are they in fear of him that they feel the need to hang up the phone right away? Is it really for shalom bayis that when he walks through the door the wife is there all dressed up and with a full face of makeup and has a warm supper awaiting for him, no matter what time he walks in that door? Is it fair to her friend what she does? What is the right thing to do?? Wives work. Wives have a social life and other responsibilities. Yes the husband is important, but not the only one who counts anymore. She also needs to care for friends and that shows character flaw when hanging up on a friend just because the husband walks in.
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