Got nothing to say to you guys..sorry

Mocking? Joking?

You know it is interesting how people view you differently than how you view yourself. You can be under the impression you are one way, convinced of it and yet, somehow someone will talk to you and say something that is total opposite of you and leave you boggled. And confused. Wondering if that person knows you at all.

Other times, people mis interpret you and think one way of you and in reality you are the way you view yourself. Yet they think differently and condescend the life style you are leading or have led. I just don' t get it.

Why do people make fun of things that they themselves want in part for themselves? Is it out of jealousy that they know they cannot have therefore they should belittle it and it should look foolish? They might not want the entire entity, just a small fraction of it, but it is so beyond their reach that all they can do is mock it so badly that they themselves would not want it anymore and would make you rethink why you want it. But then, they in reality are desiring it but cannot have it.

Is this human nature? To belittle those who have what you can only desire? Do I do the same on a different level?

It is interesting to think that way. To laugh off what you can't have. To laugh off what you want to have, but can't. I understand it. It makes sense. But you know what? It hurts the one who is being laughed at. The one who is being made fun of. It hurts. It reflects personality that are not pleasant and resentful. It hurts where it can hurt a friendship. One must be careful how much mocking is done, otherwise other things will turn funny...

A Letter from a ....

This past Shabbos I got to read the Hamodia. What a wonderful publication it is. I read a letter regarding shiduchim and just couldn't be more surprised. The letter was titled "A Letter From a Divorced Cohen's Mother" or something like that. I jut had to read it. What is the twist of shidduchim up to now.

So here is the gist of the story. The mother is writing stating that just because her son is divorced doesn't mean he is second class citizen. That the single girls should not turn him down JUST because the first wife and him did not get along. Assuming that there are no children involved based on this letter, this mother was claiming that her son was just as good as someone who was not married. She went on to say that Moshiach is coming and that who would not want to marry a Cohen and be the Mother of the Cohen Gadol or mother of a cohen. I am sorry to say that while I was reading this I was laughing very hard.

I am sorry. But if this mother did not have a divorced son, would she really let her daughter or son marry someone who is divorced. From the impression that I get from people they do not love the idea of marrying someone who was married before. I am not saying that the people are second class, but in the ideal world, single people marry single people and divorcee's marry those who are divorced. Who is she kidding.

I see her plight. I understand where she is coming. It is a tragic situation. The first marriage didn't work so well. The couple didn't get along. Things happen. So they divorce. If there are no kids involved, each will go out and date. Not a problem. But if one is a Cohen, well he is limited to whom he can date. There are halachic criterias of an eishes cohen. The wife of a cohen cannot be divorced or a convert. She can be a widow though. But as a Cohen who will do work in the beis Hamikdash there are criterias and specifications regarding his marriage.

Granted that if you think that way, and wanting to marry a cohen or be the mother of a cohen you would want to marry a cohen. But most of us do not think like that. We think of the present and daily issues that are current. A person who was married before is considered "used" merchandise and they are limited people who would want to marry such. Now, if this was a first marriage you have high criterias high expectations. You refuse those that don't meet your criteria. If there is a blemish, you have no interest. If there is something that you heard that is negative...you refuse to date the person...The table has turned. It is now a second time around that you are in the shidduch scene. You are now being rejected for all the things that you have rejected others for. But now you plea and point out how wonderful the person is and just because the first marriage didn't work is not a character flaw in this person...you are now at the mercy of others.

I have friends who are divorced. I have friends who remarried. I have don't claim that they are bad people. That they are not good people. I just find the irony of it funny. When you are not in the situation you feel that you have every right. But when you are in the situation, people are wrong for doing exactly what was they have done prior, the first time around.

But life is like that. We always do things like that. When we are not in a certain situation we are picky...but if we are in that situation we forget why we were picky before and complain that everyone is mean and wrong.

So to the mother of the divorced Cohen. I feel for you. Shidduchim are hard and now it is even harder when you are limited to whom you are allowed to have your son marry. You are now getting a taste of your own medicine. Remember when your daughter was going out, how you refused to look at someone who didn't have a pedigree? Who didn't have yichus. You only wanted the top bochur in yeshiva. His mother did this? You refused to even listen. Now you are paying the price for your own son.

Remember when we do things what can happen if we are in that position. If you want to talk about shidduchim or something else, don't do to others what you dont want to be done back to you. Think about the next time you look down at someone and think bad of them. What would happen if in a year or two you were in their place...