I Hate This...

I love Purim. I really do. I think it is fun and enjoyable for all. I love going around and giving out shaloch manos. I love to see other people's themes for shaloch manos. I love to see the costumes and take note about them. I like it all. I HATE the food that comes in the shaloch manos!

It is not the food or junk food issue. It is not whether or not I have use of it. It is more of a kashrus game that gets played. Let's go through the shaloch manos and take notes on who you have to start thinking about eating in their house again. This year, I got a shaloch manos from a very close friend with a questionable hechsher on a questionable item. I HATE that. I trusted eating there and I had no qualm about their hechsher. Until now. Now I am up a creek and don't know what to do about it.

Me being me, called her to ask her about her shaloch manos. I asked where the item was bought (Costco) and if she noticed it had a funny hechsher that most people do not use. She looked at the item and said "but it doesn't have grapes in it." Totally unaware that the hechsher was questionable. Which makes me wonder, what else shouldn't I be eating at the house? I told her that most people do not use that hechsher, and that the Hi-C juice box is NOT kosher, even though she thinks it can be because of what it has in it. I tried to reinforce my position with her, but I didn't want to step on her toes. I think that people who get it from her will also wonder why they are getting it, unless it is only me who checks the hechsher of all foods that come into the house, no matter from who! So here I am with this dilemma. What am I to do?

I remember the last time I was at her house. She made oatmeal cookies and was offering them to me. Her husband was eating one, and then the light bulb went off over his head. He went to look at the oatmeal container and noticed that the oatmeal used was in a box that said OU-D. No more offering us cookies anymore. She said that the one she used was pareve, because if you would buy the unflavored ones, it was OU. The bulk ones that had the variety of flavors in it was marked OU-D. He told her nope. It is still OU-D. Do not serve it. I guess that should have been a warning for me.

Now what do I do? Do I refuse to eat there? Do I assume that it was a mistake and that everything else in the house is up to my standard of kashrus? Or do I stop eating there (not that it is frequent) all together and hope that the next invite will not be forth coming? But then you have the issues with kids. Do you trust when the kids go there? Oh, I have no idea what I can do. Oh. Oh. Oh. I hate this...Why oh why do we give out shaloch manos???

What?!

I met a friend of mine in shul this past Shabbos. As we were talking about houses, aren't we all looking for a house to buy? the topic of which realtor was brought. I mentioned a few that I hear and tried to push one over the other. I was curious to know why this one realtor was not in the choice, so I asked in a nice way, saying "why not use X, I hear X has a lot of listings that are exclusive" this means that you can only look at the house with X so why not? The response I got was shocking. "Oh, I don't want to use X. X helped us with our apartment, very nice very good but too aggressive for me. I want to be able to think about my major purchase and not give an answer right away, as X expects. X is too pushy..." I got the drift. I agreed. I didn't like X either.

X has the loud mouth personality. X is always calling, always nagging. X would show you a house and tell you it is perfect for you without knowing who you are. X would show the house and suggest additions, and changes and remodeling like it was nothing. I mean, aren't you just buying a house that is a lot of money? That is just in your budget, but to X it doesn't matter. X will offer unsolicited advice that no one really wants. X is great for the seller. To the buyer X is annoying, but has the most houses as X is great for the seller. What do you do? I feel that X is full of it and is letting the quick fame go to the head and it shows.

My friend went on to explain that when looking at the house X asked if they were interested in it. Otherwise there were others who wanted to put an offer on the house. X didn't give time to think, just look and sign. Once you sign with X, X is not around for you. But before you sign, X will be your best friend. Once the commission belongs to X, X will go onto the next victim. X has a reputation, for better and for worse.

Oh well. There are lots of X's out there. Some will win. Some will lose.

Life Sucks...or does it

Came to the conclusion that life sucks. All life sucks. No one lives in the perfect world. Everyone has issues. Everyone has things going on in their life that they hate and it bothers them so much yet there isn't anything they can do about it except cry. Of course you have the saying "If you take everyone's troubles and put them together, you would pick out your own" Silly people. Of course you would pick your own troubles, why would you want someone else's? Why would you want someone else's life which is not any better than yours?

Have you read the Yated lately? Have you read the ads for collecting? Have you gotten your fair share of tzedaka letters begging you for money? Each one has their own heart wrenching story about some horrible life story that you cannot believe is true. Of course it is true, but with each letter you open, with each ad you read, it is worse and worse. Almost like they are trying to out do one another, and see who has the most heart wrenching tear jerking letter/ad and which will make the person write a bigger check.

But on personal level, life is really hard. It is not easy. They did not teach me about this in school. They did not tell me what real life is all about. That this is really what happens to our parents. That this is the way of life and what you have is what you need to work on. I was sheltered growing up. Always thought that this would never happen to me. That was never going to happen. I knew better, I was so naive. I grew up quickly. I met lots of people and I feel their pain. Some I can understand, some, I just listen and hope I am saying the right things. Again, I do not want their problems.

I cry at night thinking of what is going on with my friends. I get depressed when I feel helpless about what is going on and there is nothing for me to do. I feel their pain. I wish I can make everything all better, yet, there is not much that can be done except cry with them. Crying does not help. But it does heal the heart. I have friends going through all sorts of things. I cry for those who chose things based on their emotional feelings and too young to see ahead, too young to see beyond plain emotions. They are blinded by emotions and can't see past that. I fear for the time when the emotions and the love that is there will die down and what they are left is what I have seen today. I hope that day never comes.

I cry for the friend who is hurting inside. Who has no one to talk to because each one of us is unique. I try to understand and figure out if there was clues or what is the best solution for the problem, but I am not in that situation, so I cannot know. I fear that the love is still blinding and one day it too will simmer down and then there will be bigger issues. I fear that this friend is naive and doesn't see it, or worse, doesn't want to see it. Doesn't want to face reality just yet and wants to live and love miserably, and hopes to survive.

I cry for the friend who wants and desires but cannot seem to have. It is beyond their reach for now. They strive they try they feel the pain. They cry themselves. They get hurt. They yearn. They love, they try and try and try. They do not want to give up but sometimes they need a break. Even though they do not want a break.

I cry for the ones who are confused in life and do not know what to do. I try to understand what is confusing them and try to explain to them why it is not confusion but the confusion is within and therefore it is harder to explain or for me to grasp. I feel that they are lost and roaming in one part of their life and therefore they take it out in another part.

But is life really that bad? Is it true that no one is happy? That life is crappy and lousy and that we just need to accept it?

Can't we take a step back from our life and look at the over view and focus on the positive side of it? Health? Family? Parnasah? Smart? Etc etc etc. Can't we forget the negative side that makes us depressed and focus on the good things. Try to find positive things in your life and say that is why we are here. That is why life does not suck. NO!! It is NOT true. Not everyone's life is lousy! Not everyone feels that their life is horrible. Not everyone feels that there is no purpose and that there is only bad out there.

I am sure that if time was taken, each and every one of us can come up with positive things in our life. We can figure out that life is not really that bad and that yes there are things in our life that just makes it more complicated. We need to stop looking at others and work with what we have. We have our own good and bad. Make a list of the good things. Post it on the fridge, or keep a copy near your computer or wherever you are most often and focus on what is really important. Try to fix the sad issues. Try to fix the issues that complicated, but reality is you must focus on the good and positive side as well. Don't neglect the good for the bad stuff. Everything has good and bad. The opposite of good is bad. If things cannot be fixed, then work on how to make it better or more comfortable or eliminate it.

Remember, life does not suck! Life is good and happy!

I am starting to notice things about what we do more and more and it doesn't sit well with me. There are a lot of things that we do, that just simply put, are wrong, and we should correct them. We are not better people, but we really should be better. We think we are, but our actions say differently!

I am driving around town and I notice the car flying by the stop sign, and halfway into the intersection when he needs to stop. I slow down even though I do have the right of way, but I don't want to get hit by the driver who feels that he has the right of way and is in control of things. I drive by the car and I notice his black Yarmulka on his head and I feel disgust.

The sign says no turns on red, but the driver decides that he is too much of a rush and passes me on my left and then turns right after coming to a rolling stop. I looked up and noticed the Tefilas Haderech hanging from his mirror.

I am waiting to pull out of a parking spot, but can't because a car had just pulled up right in front of me and instead of going an extra car space, decided it was okay for him to double park and block other drivers from leaving the driveway. I already knew there would be a yarmulka there.

The car that sped down the small street and blew a stop sign was on the phone wearing a yarmulka.

The driver that pulled out of the driveway and decided her only priority was to make sure she wasn't going to get hit looked only one way while she sped up out of the stores driveway and to make a turn...Yes I noticed the snood as I jumped out of her way before I got hit. Apparently she was making sure that she wouldn't get hit and not concerned whom she hit.

We are not better. We should be. Laws are there to protect us and for us to obey. You can't complain about the person who broke the law and nothing is being done, when in reality YOU also break the law but don't want anything done to you! It works both ways! You can't have the police working to protect you from others and when one of you commit a crime, they should look the other way!

What happens if the next accident is a friend of yours? What happens when it is TWO of you who are involved in an accident, do you want everything to be looked away? Do you want the man who skips the traffic light to continue doing so without a penalty? Do you want the person who double parked his car so the ambulance couldn't get out to continue to do so? When it comes to directly affect you, then oh then is it different? Why? Are you going to change? Are you not going to allow your van full of young kids to continue to bop around the car without a seat belt, but comment on how the goy over there has so many people in his car that it is illegal? But you forget the day you double buckled to save your friend the trip. You forget when it applies to your life that you are different and the world revolves around what you want.

Wake up. It doesn't. There are rules and regulations. There are laws. We must apply, even you as you associate yourself in the we factor. Obey the laws and then only then when you practice can you criticize the next. So the next time you are complaining about the driver...Make sure to double check and take note, how many of your issues are really towards the hat/snood/yarmulka/beard/shaitel person and how many are towards the driver that is not amongst us.