Just Thinking Out Loud

Are we all heretics here? Are we throwing away our upbringing for a different variation of our religion here?

So much is going on. I see and hear of many people talk about what they want from their religion and how it varies from how they were brought up. Some are slight, while others are to an extreme. Some are just their point of views while others change their levush. Some are their thoughts, while others it is their actions. So many changes. So many people. What will happen to the world? Or better yet, the next generation?

There are many issues we do not agree with. We don’t have to agree with everything a friend says. We are entitled to our differences but at what point does one make the decision to distant themselves from a thought that is far beyond their comprehension? At what point does one take a step back and reevaluate the friendship?

Do we need to look at the issue on hand that perturbs us? Or do we need to look deep inside ourselves and see why it bothers us? Which one is it? Is it us? Or is it the issue in it of itself? Which one is easier to look into? Which one is easier to ignore?

I think it is easier to ignore ones self and blame others or other things or thoughts. Remember, we are perfect and therefore nothing can be wrong with us. It is always someone else, and never “me.” If that is the case, then anyone with a different point of view than your own is the one who is “different’ or has issues or is wrong. Whether or not reality is that you are the one who changed. Oh, I forget, the “I” never changes. It is always the “you” who changes. The “I” never has to look inside and see what is causing the actions or feelings or emotions. Those actions are always right. If someone else doesn’t have the same fervor at that time, there is usually an excuse given as to why not or to why the other person is different.

I have had numerous conversations with a variety of different people. The common ground they all had was rejecting part of their upbringing for something better. For something unlike what they had been brought up with. I feel the need to try and figure them out.

Granted there are many blogs on heretics and what have you, and no, I am not going to include those here. But besides those blogs where they write how they are throwing away their religions and practices and going for the “greener grass” I am not talking about that extreme. I am talking where we gripe about yeshiva. We went to yeshiva our entire life and we have issues with it now. Now that we are older. Now that we are out of it. Now that our kids are going into yeshiva, we have issues with them. We disagree with their culture. We are not ready to throw the whole thing away, but we want a voice. So, what choice do we have other than talking about it amongst friends.

What happens to these thoughts? Do they extend further into our religious beliefs and further and further to a point where we don’t know what to believe anymore? Or do we leave it at face value and accept certain things will not change and we just complain about it? Do we let it go further to the next step and the next without even realizing it until someone comes along and points out that your very thoughts are borderline and with more hatred than needed? Is it a problem inside or is just face value issues?

I am not sure why and when all this came about. Maybe I am just living in my own little corner and not knowing what is going on out there. Is it the secular world taking over or I am just living in the past thinking this never was an issue until now?

The same song and dance. Now we know about it. Now it is more publicized. It was always out there. Before you were, young, naïve, ignorant. It was kept quiet. No one talked about. Now you are older, knowledgeable, and smart and it is talked about openly. No one is holding anything back. It is all in the open. Everything is in the open. Nothing is sacred. I just have to fix my glasses and go back on living.

Don’t mind me…just thinking….

Blind

Some people are blind. They can’t see things clearly. Is it that they cannot see things, or is that they choose not to see things clearly and level headed? Why would do we do that to ourselves? Why do we choose to put a stumbling block in front of ourselves, knowingly and willingly? Why do we go out of our way to hurt ourselves just for a mere few moments of pleasure?

There are things we do because we just do not know what else to do. We ask for help, but in reality we do not want the help that is being offered. We do not want it because we do not like what is being said, although deep down we know that it is probably the right thing to do. We just don’t like it. We choose to look away and take the immediate pleasurable result as opposed to the other choices that have a discomfort for a while, but is probably the most thought out and worthwhile decisions. But because we cannot see into the future, we want happiness now. Even if it is only temporary. We want immediate results and not wait for things to happen. Everything needs to be instantaneously. We close our eyes to the future and pray that the outcome stays the fairytale lifestyle we think it will be. Sorry, the lifestyle we hope it to be. We hope. We wish. But reality is we burry what we know is ultimately the outcome. We don’t want to see or hear of the negative side of things. If it is good now, then this is what it should be. Who is to say that it will be bad? Just because you have moderate proof of things that doesn’t qualify as factual, concrete proof for now. Things will be different. Because we want them to be. Even if things point to it differently. We will ignore the obvious and say it is different. We are blind of the obvious, what others see as black and white, we are blind because we want to be blind about it. Because it doesn’t look good and we only want good. We need the good.

Do we actually think about things on our own and really think things through? Are we a pushover for a romance lifestyle? For the happily ever after story line that only exists in books and movies and never in real life. It doesn’t matter what the age is, it always comes down to the same thing. If it is bad we don’t like it. If it negative we don’t want to hear of it. If it is good or even if it is a good lie, we will accept it graciously because it is good. And happy. Don’t forget the happiness. It makes us happy when things are going well. Even if we know they are not well. We will cover things up and make excuses, because we want happiness and the situation is quasi so. We want to only look at the positive side of things and never at the side affects. Never at how bad things can happen if we don’t take off the rose colored glasses. It is not half full. It is not half empty. It is just a half a cup. It is half. Not whole. We kid ourselves to think that is really half of a full cup. We forget that it is also half of an empty cup. But, empty is negative and we don’t like to talk about that. We don’t like to discuss it. It makes us sad. It makes us mad. So let’s forget it. If we don’t talk about it, it doesn’t really exist. It is really half full. Full of ….

We like to think we know everything. We like to accept good thoughts and words and good deeds. Good suggestions and advice. Never do we want to assume the negative of things. Even if we know that the words are just that, words. We don’t care. We like the positive of it. We like the pretty things it entails. We forget what happens when we just forget the bad and go with the good. We lose our ability to judge correctly. We lose our ability to be keen and sharp and we fall. We fall hard and fast. We get hurt once again. This time it is a harder fall. A stronger crumble. A collapse. The wall breaks and crumbles down. Like Humpty Dumpty. Can’t put Humpty Dumpty back together again. We tried. They tried. But it just can’t be done.