TooHock

Just Thinking Out Loud

2005-05-19T00:27:00.000-04:00

Are we all heretics here? Are we throwing away our upbringing for a different variation of our religion here?

So much is going on. I see and hear of many people talk about what they want from their religion and how it varies from how they were brought up. Some are slight, while others are to an extreme. Some are just their point of views while others change their levush. Some are their thoughts, while others it is their actions. So many changes. So many people. What will happen to the world? Or better yet, the next generation?

There are many issues we do not agree with. We don’t have to agree with everything a friend says. We are entitled to our differences but at what point does one make the decision to distant themselves from a thought that is far beyond their comprehension? At what point does one take a step back and reevaluate the friendship?

Do we need to look at the issue on hand that perturbs us? Or do we need to look deep inside ourselves and see why it bothers us? Which one is it? Is it us? Or is it the issue in it of itself? Which one is easier to look into? Which one is easier to ignore?

I think it is easier to ignore ones self and blame others or other things or thoughts. Remember, we are perfect and therefore nothing can be wrong with us. It is always someone else, and never “me.” If that is the case, then anyone with a different point of view than your own is the one who is “different’ or has issues or is wrong. Whether or not reality is that you are the one who changed. Oh, I forget, the “I” never changes. It is always the “you” who changes. The “I” never has to look inside and see what is causing the actions or feelings or emotions. Those actions are always right. If someone else doesn’t have the same fervor at that time, there is usually an excuse given as to why not or to why the other person is different.

I have had numerous conversations with a variety of different people. The common ground they all had was rejecting part of their upbringing for something better. For something unlike what they had been brought up with. I feel the need to try and figure them out.

Granted there are many blogs on heretics and what have you, and no, I am not going to include those here. But besides those blogs where they write how they are throwing away their religions and practices and going for the “greener grass” I am not talking about that extreme. I am talking where we gripe about yeshiva. We went to yeshiva our entire life and we have issues with it now. Now that we are older. Now that we are out of it. Now that our kids are going into yeshiva, we have issues with them. We disagree with their culture. We are not ready to throw the whole thing away, but we want a voice. So, what choice do we have other than talking about it amongst friends.

What happens to these thoughts? Do they extend further into our religious beliefs and further and further to a point where we don’t know what to believe anymore? Or do we leave it at face value and accept certain things will not change and we just complain about it? Do we let it go further to the next step and the next without even realizing it until someone comes along and points out that your very thoughts are borderline and with more hatred than needed? Is it a problem inside or is just face value issues?

I am not sure why and when all this came about. Maybe I am just living in my own little corner and not knowing what is going on out there. Is it the secular world taking over or I am just living in the past thinking this never was an issue until now?

The same song and dance. Now we know about it. Now it is more publicized. It was always out there. Before you were, young, naïve, ignorant. It was kept quiet. No one talked about. Now you are older, knowledgeable, and smart and it is talked about openly. No one is holding anything back. It is all in the open. Everything is in the open. Nothing is sacred. I just have to fix my glasses and go back on living.

Don’t mind me…just thinking….

Blind

2005-05-02T22:59:00.000-04:00

Some people are blind. They can’t see things clearly. Is it that they cannot see things, or is that they choose not to see things clearly and level headed? Why would do we do that to ourselves? Why do we choose to put a stumbling block in front of ourselves, knowingly and willingly? Why do we go out of our way to hurt ourselves just for a mere few moments of pleasure?

There are things we do because we just do not know what else to do. We ask for help, but in reality we do not want the help that is being offered. We do not want it because we do not like what is being said, although deep down we know that it is probably the right thing to do. We just don’t like it. We choose to look away and take the immediate pleasurable result as opposed to the other choices that have a discomfort for a while, but is probably the most thought out and worthwhile decisions. But because we cannot see into the future, we want happiness now. Even if it is only temporary. We want immediate results and not wait for things to happen. Everything needs to be instantaneously. We close our eyes to the future and pray that the outcome stays the fairytale lifestyle we think it will be. Sorry, the lifestyle we hope it to be. We hope. We wish. But reality is we burry what we know is ultimately the outcome. We don’t want to see or hear of the negative side of things. If it is good now, then this is what it should be. Who is to say that it will be bad? Just because you have moderate proof of things that doesn’t qualify as factual, concrete proof for now. Things will be different. Because we want them to be. Even if things point to it differently. We will ignore the obvious and say it is different. We are blind of the obvious, what others see as black and white, we are blind because we want to be blind about it. Because it doesn’t look good and we only want good. We need the good.

Do we actually think about things on our own and really think things through? Are we a pushover for a romance lifestyle? For the happily ever after story line that only exists in books and movies and never in real life. It doesn’t matter what the age is, it always comes down to the same thing. If it is bad we don’t like it. If it negative we don’t want to hear of it. If it is good or even if it is a good lie, we will accept it graciously because it is good. And happy. Don’t forget the happiness. It makes us happy when things are going well. Even if we know they are not well. We will cover things up and make excuses, because we want happiness and the situation is quasi so. We want to only look at the positive side of things and never at the side affects. Never at how bad things can happen if we don’t take off the rose colored glasses. It is not half full. It is not half empty. It is just a half a cup. It is half. Not whole. We kid ourselves to think that is really half of a full cup. We forget that it is also half of an empty cup. But, empty is negative and we don’t like to talk about that. We don’t like to discuss it. It makes us sad. It makes us mad. So let’s forget it. If we don’t talk about it, it doesn’t really exist. It is really half full. Full of ….

We like to think we know everything. We like to accept good thoughts and words and good deeds. Good suggestions and advice. Never do we want to assume the negative of things. Even if we know that the words are just that, words. We don’t care. We like the positive of it. We like the pretty things it entails. We forget what happens when we just forget the bad and go with the good. We lose our ability to judge correctly. We lose our ability to be keen and sharp and we fall. We fall hard and fast. We get hurt once again. This time it is a harder fall. A stronger crumble. A collapse. The wall breaks and crumbles down. Like Humpty Dumpty. Can’t put Humpty Dumpty back together again. We tried. They tried. But it just can’t be done.

Mixed Feelings

2005-04-12T11:19:00.000-04:00

I have mix feelings about going away for yom tov. I want to go away. I don’t want to have the hassle of cleaning up my home. I don’t want to figure out what to cook for all the days of yom tov and how to entertain everyone. I do want a break. I do want to relax as much as I can.

I don’t like living out of a suitcase for two weeks. I don’t like living in cramped quarters. I don’t like the kids to be off schedule. I don’t like the fact that it is not my home or my rules. I don’t like the way the others are mechaneich the kids and in turn how they deal with mine.

I don’t like that I can now eat gebruks but where I am they do not. I don’t like the fact that it is not my food. I don’t like location of where I am going. I do like to be with family for a short period of time. I don’t like being with everyone for so long. I don’t like that I don’t know what the weather is nor do I know what to pack. I am not sure if I even have enough to pack. I don’t like that if I do something that is correct it is frowned upon because they just do not know if it is right or not, and assume it is not. I don’t like when people pick and chose their halachos and if you don’t agree with them you are more modern. I don’t like that even if it is black and white, you still changed because it is different than the alte heim.

I don’t like that you never know the minhag from one year to the next. Each year you get more stringent than the next on some things, and lax on others. I don’t like that when you clean you do things just because my momma did it and you have been doing it for so long that you just don’t feel right not doing it. But things that must be done are not done as carefully. I don’t like thinking bad things on family.

I do like when everyone gets together. I do like talking to them. I do like the way everyone is more or less relaxed and the weather is nice so things can be moved outside. I do like that yom tov is not on Shabbos, therefore allowing us to carry. I do like the nice weather so the kids can go to the park. I don’t like that it is usually one adult who is dumped with all the kids.

I do like. I don’t like. Which is going “like” is going to win this yom tov? The do? Or the don’t?

Milk

2005-04-05T12:13:00.000-04:00

I bought a bottle of milk the other day and as usual I checked the expiration date. What bothers me the most and I cannot seem to understand is why are there two expiration dates? If you live in New York or neighboring cities, have you noticed this as well? NYC gets an earlier expiration date. And I want to know why!

Do New Yorkers have a more delicate stomach and therefore cannot handle milk that is a few days older? Does it spoil faster in New York than in New Jersey? It’s on all my milk and not just the Cholov Yisroel ones. I don’t understand this dating system and would really like to get to know the ins and outs of this phenomenon. Does anyone have any suggestions?

I can understand expiration dates on items like milk and bread. But why are there expiration dates on bottled water? Does bottled water really go bad? Is it really going to turn sour if you use past the expiration date? Is it going to spoil? Does water really spoil?

Another thing while I am at it, does medicine expire? Why do we have expiration dates on everything? Is it possible to pick something up that won’t perish? Is there?

My peeve is still on the milk. It still annoys me after all this. Where can I find how the expiration dates work? Is there a way a mathematical equation? Or they just know when milk is going to turn bad and date it for that day to be the last day?

I Hate This...

2005-03-29T15:02:00.000-05:00

I love Purim. I really do. I think it is fun and enjoyable for all. I love going around and giving out shaloch manos. I love to see other people's themes for shaloch manos. I love to see the costumes and take note about them. I like it all. I HATE the food that comes in the shaloch manos!

It is not the food or junk food issue. It is not whether or not I have use of it. It is more of a kashrus game that gets played. Let's go through the shaloch manos and take notes on who you have to start thinking about eating in their house again. This year, I got a shaloch manos from a very close friend with a questionable hechsher on a questionable item. I HATE that. I trusted eating there and I had no qualm about their hechsher. Until now. Now I am up a creek and don't know what to do about it.

Me being me, called her to ask her about her shaloch manos. I asked where the item was bought (Costco) and if she noticed it had a funny hechsher that most people do not use. She looked at the item and said "but it doesn't have grapes in it." Totally unaware that the hechsher was questionable. Which makes me wonder, what else shouldn't I be eating at the house? I told her that most people do not use that hechsher, and that the Hi-C juice box is NOT kosher, even though she thinks it can be because of what it has in it. I tried to reinforce my position with her, but I didn't want to step on her toes. I think that people who get it from her will also wonder why they are getting it, unless it is only me who checks the hechsher of all foods that come into the house, no matter from who! So here I am with this dilemma. What am I to do?

I remember the last time I was at her house. She made oatmeal cookies and was offering them to me. Her husband was eating one, and then the light bulb went off over his head. He went to look at the oatmeal container and noticed that the oatmeal used was in a box that said OU-D. No more offering us cookies anymore. She said that the one she used was pareve, because if you would buy the unflavored ones, it was OU. The bulk ones that had the variety of flavors in it was marked OU-D. He told her nope. It is still OU-D. Do not serve it. I guess that should have been a warning for me.

Now what do I do? Do I refuse to eat there? Do I assume that it was a mistake and that everything else in the house is up to my standard of kashrus? Or do I stop eating there (not that it is frequent) all together and hope that the next invite will not be forth coming? But then you have the issues with kids. Do you trust when the kids go there? Oh, I have no idea what I can do. Oh. Oh. Oh. I hate this...Why oh why do we give out shaloch manos???

What?!

2005-03-22T22:39:00.000-05:00

I met a friend of mine in shul this past Shabbos. As we were talking about houses, aren't we all looking for a house to buy? the topic of which realtor was brought. I mentioned a few that I hear and tried to push one over the other. I was curious to know why this one realtor was not in the choice, so I asked in a nice way, saying "why not use X, I hear X has a lot of listings that are exclusive" this means that you can only look at the house with X so why not? The response I got was shocking. "Oh, I don't want to use X. X helped us with our apartment, very nice very good but too aggressive for me. I want to be able to think about my major purchase and not give an answer right away, as X expects. X is too pushy..." I got the drift. I agreed. I didn't like X either.

X has the loud mouth personality. X is always calling, always nagging. X would show you a house and tell you it is perfect for you without knowing who you are. X would show the house and suggest additions, and changes and remodeling like it was nothing. I mean, aren't you just buying a house that is a lot of money? That is just in your budget, but to X it doesn't matter. X will offer unsolicited advice that no one really wants. X is great for the seller. To the buyer X is annoying, but has the most houses as X is great for the seller. What do you do? I feel that X is full of it and is letting the quick fame go to the head and it shows.

My friend went on to explain that when looking at the house X asked if they were interested in it. Otherwise there were others who wanted to put an offer on the house. X didn't give time to think, just look and sign. Once you sign with X, X is not around for you. But before you sign, X will be your best friend. Once the commission belongs to X, X will go onto the next victim. X has a reputation, for better and for worse.

Oh well. There are lots of X's out there. Some will win. Some will lose.

Life Sucks...or does it

2005-03-15T09:27:00.000-05:00

Came to the conclusion that life sucks. All life sucks. No one lives in the perfect world. Everyone has issues. Everyone has things going on in their life that they hate and it bothers them so much yet there isn't anything they can do about it except cry. Of course you have the saying "If you take everyone's troubles and put them together, you would pick out your own" Silly people. Of course you would pick your own troubles, why would you want someone else's? Why would you want someone else's life which is not any better than yours?

Have you read the Yated lately? Have you read the ads for collecting? Have you gotten your fair share of tzedaka letters begging you for money? Each one has their own heart wrenching story about some horrible life story that you cannot believe is true. Of course it is true, but with each letter you open, with each ad you read, it is worse and worse. Almost like they are trying to out do one another, and see who has the most heart wrenching tear jerking letter/ad and which will make the person write a bigger check.

But on personal level, life is really hard. It is not easy. They did not teach me about this in school. They did not tell me what real life is all about. That this is really what happens to our parents. That this is the way of life and what you have is what you need to work on. I was sheltered growing up. Always thought that this would never happen to me. That was never going to happen. I knew better, I was so naive. I grew up quickly. I met lots of people and I feel their pain. Some I can understand, some, I just listen and hope I am saying the right things. Again, I do not want their problems.

I cry at night thinking of what is going on with my friends. I get depressed when I feel helpless about what is going on and there is nothing for me to do. I feel their pain. I wish I can make everything all better, yet, there is not much that can be done except cry with them. Crying does not help. But it does heal the heart. I have friends going through all sorts of things. I cry for those who chose things based on their emotional feelings and too young to see ahead, too young to see beyond plain emotions. They are blinded by emotions and can't see past that. I fear for the time when the emotions and the love that is there will die down and what they are left is what I have seen today. I hope that day never comes.

I cry for the friend who is hurting inside. Who has no one to talk to because each one of us is unique. I try to understand and figure out if there was clues or what is the best solution for the problem, but I am not in that situation, so I cannot know. I fear that the love is still blinding and one day it too will simmer down and then there will be bigger issues. I fear that this friend is naive and doesn't see it, or worse, doesn't want to see it. Doesn't want to face reality just yet and wants to live and love miserably, and hopes to survive.

I cry for the friend who wants and desires but cannot seem to have. It is beyond their reach for now. They strive they try they feel the pain. They cry themselves. They get hurt. They yearn. They love, they try and try and try. They do not want to give up but sometimes they need a break. Even though they do not want a break.

I cry for the ones who are confused in life and do not know what to do. I try to understand what is confusing them and try to explain to them why it is not confusion but the confusion is within and therefore it is harder to explain or for me to grasp. I feel that they are lost and roaming in one part of their life and therefore they take it out in another part.

But is life really that bad? Is it true that no one is happy? That life is crappy and lousy and that we just need to accept it?

Can't we take a step back from our life and look at the over view and focus on the positive side of it? Health? Family? Parnasah? Smart? Etc etc etc. Can't we forget the negative side that makes us depressed and focus on the good things. Try to find positive things in your life and say that is why we are here. That is why life does not suck. NO!! It is NOT true. Not everyone's life is lousy! Not everyone feels that their life is horrible. Not everyone feels that there is no purpose and that there is only bad out there.

I am sure that if time was taken, each and every one of us can come up with positive things in our life. We can figure out that life is not really that bad and that yes there are things in our life that just makes it more complicated. We need to stop looking at others and work with what we have. We have our own good and bad. Make a list of the good things. Post it on the fridge, or keep a copy near your computer or wherever you are most often and focus on what is really important. Try to fix the sad issues. Try to fix the issues that complicated, but reality is you must focus on the good and positive side as well. Don't neglect the good for the bad stuff. Everything has good and bad. The opposite of good is bad. If things cannot be fixed, then work on how to make it better or more comfortable or eliminate it.

Remember, life does not suck! Life is good and happy!

2005-03-14T10:11:00.000-05:00

I am starting to notice things about what we do more and more and it doesn't sit well with me. There are a lot of things that we do, that just simply put, are wrong, and we should correct them. We are not better people, but we really should be better. We think we are, but our actions say differently!

I am driving around town and I notice the car flying by the stop sign, and halfway into the intersection when he needs to stop. I slow down even though I do have the right of way, but I don't want to get hit by the driver who feels that he has the right of way and is in control of things. I drive by the car and I notice his black Yarmulka on his head and I feel disgust.

The sign says no turns on red, but the driver decides that he is too much of a rush and passes me on my left and then turns right after coming to a rolling stop. I looked up and noticed the Tefilas Haderech hanging from his mirror.

I am waiting to pull out of a parking spot, but can't because a car had just pulled up right in front of me and instead of going an extra car space, decided it was okay for him to double park and block other drivers from leaving the driveway. I already knew there would be a yarmulka there.

The car that sped down the small street and blew a stop sign was on the phone wearing a yarmulka.

The driver that pulled out of the driveway and decided her only priority was to make sure she wasn't going to get hit looked only one way while she sped up out of the stores driveway and to make a turn...Yes I noticed the snood as I jumped out of her way before I got hit. Apparently she was making sure that she wouldn't get hit and not concerned whom she hit.

We are not better. We should be. Laws are there to protect us and for us to obey. You can't complain about the person who broke the law and nothing is being done, when in reality YOU also break the law but don't want anything done to you! It works both ways! You can't have the police working to protect you from others and when one of you commit a crime, they should look the other way!

What happens if the next accident is a friend of yours? What happens when it is TWO of you who are involved in an accident, do you want everything to be looked away? Do you want the man who skips the traffic light to continue doing so without a penalty? Do you want the person who double parked his car so the ambulance couldn't get out to continue to do so? When it comes to directly affect you, then oh then is it different? Why? Are you going to change? Are you not going to allow your van full of young kids to continue to bop around the car without a seat belt, but comment on how the goy over there has so many people in his car that it is illegal? But you forget the day you double buckled to save your friend the trip. You forget when it applies to your life that you are different and the world revolves around what you want.

Wake up. It doesn't. There are rules and regulations. There are laws. We must apply, even you as you associate yourself in the we factor. Obey the laws and then only then when you practice can you criticize the next. So the next time you are complaining about the driver...Make sure to double check and take note, how many of your issues are really towards the hat/snood/yarmulka/beard/shaitel person and how many are towards the driver that is not amongst us.

what if...

2005-02-17T10:59:00.000-05:00

Did you ever think about your past and wonder what would have happened if...and started to go down memory lane. What would have happened if you went to a different high school. What if...what if..what if things were different. What if you were brought up differently? What if you acted upon an instinct instead of doing what you did? What if? What if? What if?

Life is full of what ifs. Everything we do has a consequence. We can chose one way or another. We can contemplate which one we want to do. We can think we know the outcome, but we really do cannot fathom the end result. We think that if we do a, b and c, then d, e and f will follow. But did you count on X happening and then Y and then W comes along. Yup, it can get confusing. You forget the order of where you want to go, and sometimes you need to go backwards in life, take a few steps back and then go a different route forward. But we didn't plan that. We originally wanted a straight line to the end result, whatever the result is in the current situation.

Most of us have dated in life before we met the one we married. Or, currently still dating. What happened if you decided that the first person you met was to be the one you married? Would your life be different? What happened if you chose a different college or yeshiva to go to? What happened if you decided to get married right out of high school instead of going to seminary or bais medrash? How would your life be if you never watched that movie? If you never heard of internet till you were much older? You never read that book. Or met that person. What if. What if. What if.

If you had the choice (which we all know is impossible, but humor me) to go back in time. What would you do differently? What would you change? What would you do, knowing what you know now, differently? You lived life for x amount of years, go back five years, what would you change? Do you think that if you can go back an infinite amount of years things would be better now? Things would be different? You would have done things differently? Yes? No?

Is it okay to regret the past? Is it okay to not regret the past? Can we just say, the past is the past and just learn from it? Whey regret something? Is it possible not to regret and just learn from it? Do we always need to incorporate the past with our present life? Why do we always bring up the past when we talk? It is much harder to talk about the present, as there really isn't a present, and can't predict the future, so we talk about what we do know, and what can't change. Something that happened already.

"It Must not Have Been Important if you Forgot"

2005-02-16T11:02:00.000-05:00

I don't get that saying.

Of course if I have meant to say it and thought about it, why is not important? Just because I forgot? Did you ever think that maybe it can be a case of early symptoms of alzheimer? Can it be? Why say something like that? Are you insinuation that what I say is not important? I can be highly offended. Don't offend friends.

Multi-tasking all day and having so much going on up there, tends to make people forget some things. At that moment, the moment of truth, it slips away, only to come back too late. It has happened to you and to you too. You probably don't want to remember the situation. But oh well.

So next time you are on the phone with a friend, don't say "it wasn't important if you forgot" because to your friend it might be important!

2005-01-31T22:21:00.000-05:00

Got nothing to say to you guys..sorry

Mocking? Joking?

2005-01-17T01:52:00.000-05:00

You know it is interesting how people view you differently than how you view yourself. You can be under the impression you are one way, convinced of it and yet, somehow someone will talk to you and say something that is total opposite of you and leave you boggled. And confused. Wondering if that person knows you at all.

Other times, people mis interpret you and think one way of you and in reality you are the way you view yourself. Yet they think differently and condescend the life style you are leading or have led. I just don' t get it.

Why do people make fun of things that they themselves want in part for themselves? Is it out of jealousy that they know they cannot have therefore they should belittle it and it should look foolish? They might not want the entire entity, just a small fraction of it, but it is so beyond their reach that all they can do is mock it so badly that they themselves would not want it anymore and would make you rethink why you want it. But then, they in reality are desiring it but cannot have it.

Is this human nature? To belittle those who have what you can only desire? Do I do the same on a different level?

It is interesting to think that way. To laugh off what you can't have. To laugh off what you want to have, but can't. I understand it. It makes sense. But you know what? It hurts the one who is being laughed at. The one who is being made fun of. It hurts. It reflects personality that are not pleasant and resentful. It hurts where it can hurt a friendship. One must be careful how much mocking is done, otherwise other things will turn funny...

A Letter from a ....

2005-01-02T13:31:00.000-05:00

This past Shabbos I got to read the Hamodia. What a wonderful publication it is. I read a letter regarding shiduchim and just couldn't be more surprised. The letter was titled "A Letter From a Divorced Cohen's Mother" or something like that. I jut had to read it. What is the twist of shidduchim up to now.

So here is the gist of the story. The mother is writing stating that just because her son is divorced doesn't mean he is second class citizen. That the single girls should not turn him down JUST because the first wife and him did not get along. Assuming that there are no children involved based on this letter, this mother was claiming that her son was just as good as someone who was not married. She went on to say that Moshiach is coming and that who would not want to marry a Cohen and be the Mother of the Cohen Gadol or mother of a cohen. I am sorry to say that while I was reading this I was laughing very hard.

I am sorry. But if this mother did not have a divorced son, would she really let her daughter or son marry someone who is divorced. From the impression that I get from people they do not love the idea of marrying someone who was married before. I am not saying that the people are second class, but in the ideal world, single people marry single people and divorcee's marry those who are divorced. Who is she kidding.

I see her plight. I understand where she is coming. It is a tragic situation. The first marriage didn't work so well. The couple didn't get along. Things happen. So they divorce. If there are no kids involved, each will go out and date. Not a problem. But if one is a Cohen, well he is limited to whom he can date. There are halachic criterias of an eishes cohen. The wife of a cohen cannot be divorced or a convert. She can be a widow though. But as a Cohen who will do work in the beis Hamikdash there are criterias and specifications regarding his marriage.

Granted that if you think that way, and wanting to marry a cohen or be the mother of a cohen you would want to marry a cohen. But most of us do not think like that. We think of the present and daily issues that are current. A person who was married before is considered "used" merchandise and they are limited people who would want to marry such. Now, if this was a first marriage you have high criterias high expectations. You refuse those that don't meet your criteria. If there is a blemish, you have no interest. If there is something that you heard that is negative...you refuse to date the person...The table has turned. It is now a second time around that you are in the shidduch scene. You are now being rejected for all the things that you have rejected others for. But now you plea and point out how wonderful the person is and just because the first marriage didn't work is not a character flaw in this person...you are now at the mercy of others.

I have friends who are divorced. I have friends who remarried. I have don't claim that they are bad people. That they are not good people. I just find the irony of it funny. When you are not in the situation you feel that you have every right. But when you are in the situation, people are wrong for doing exactly what was they have done prior, the first time around.

But life is like that. We always do things like that. When we are not in a certain situation we are picky...but if we are in that situation we forget why we were picky before and complain that everyone is mean and wrong.

So to the mother of the divorced Cohen. I feel for you. Shidduchim are hard and now it is even harder when you are limited to whom you are allowed to have your son marry. You are now getting a taste of your own medicine. Remember when your daughter was going out, how you refused to look at someone who didn't have a pedigree? Who didn't have yichus. You only wanted the top bochur in yeshiva. His mother did this? You refused to even listen. Now you are paying the price for your own son.

Remember when we do things what can happen if we are in that position. If you want to talk about shidduchim or something else, don't do to others what you dont want to be done back to you. Think about the next time you look down at someone and think bad of them. What would happen if in a year or two you were in their place...

What is the Right and What is Not

2004-12-27T15:31:00.000-05:00

The scenario is as follows. A group of people mingling. They are all married. Let's say there are four couples there. Is there anything wrong with that? I am talking about a motzei Shabbos. Four couples decide to go bowling. They are all sitting together and talking and bowling. They also go for pizza. Is there something wrong with that?

The next scenario is the same, except it's four couples who are dating. Anything wrong?

The next, four couples who are engaged and married. What is wrong?

I am trying to figure this out. What is the proper way to get together with friends when dealing with a mixed crowd. Mixed meaning mixed gender and mixed married versus singles, versus engaged couples.

Now I guess this all depends on your hashkafa. I just don't understand. You can have a couple over on Shabbos, so there will be two and two. Yet, I have friends who say they will never ever speak to their spouses friends. I just do not get it. Or they will never ever speak to their friends spouse. Go figure. I can't fathom this religious upbringing. If you are married is it written that it is assur to talk to the opposite gender? I thought we got over this while dating. I mean they are not chassidish. Do you not speak to your sons Rebbie when there is PTA? Do you not speak to your daughters teacher at PTA? Do you not speak to the shopkeeper? What about the cleaners? Don't you get your alterations done by the lady who works there? Please explain to me these rules.

Now I have a friend who when single would go to his friends house to eat. He would shmooze all Shabbos afternoon with the wife. They would sit and talk for hours on end, and plenty of times the husband went to sleep. The wife stayed up to clean up, and the guy never left...He would talk to her. Ask her advice on dating and other such questions. One conversation let to another. He would talk to her about his past dates and about his current single situation. He needed someone his age to talk to and try to figure out the female mind. The husband didn't mind. He wasn't much help to his friend..But being that his wife had single friends and understood the girl side and being that she was a girl herself..He figured he could bow out of the conversations. Is there something wrong with that?

Another situation I head is where the husband has total control of his wife. He will not allow her to talk to members of the opposite sex. He is very paranoid and feels that even a simple "Hello" means his wife is flirting, and he refuses to even let his friends talk to his wife. He is a control freak and not normal. Is that the right way? Assume the worst so don't even let it get that far?

I just don't get it. What is the correct way? Are there guidelines for how group of friends can get together? Does everything we do need to be done with a mechitza and separate? Are we not allowed to mingle with the opposite sex and take such precaution in case something might happen?

Please explain...

2004-12-24T01:35:00.000-05:00

Still around. I just contemplate what you readers really want to read. I don't get feedback, so I am left to assume that there are no more readers, and you have gone your own ways. I really do like getting comments, so I know there are real people who have the time to read.

Go ahead, don't be afrain, I really wont bite if you sign..that you were here...

so many blogs to read, I know...but don't forget the ones who were here first.

Have a good Shabbos!

Phone Calls

2004-12-21T11:10:00.000-05:00

I overheard this married girl talking on the phone. She seemed to be in a deep conversation with her phone mate, when all of a sudden she hangs up the phone. I asked her why, and she responded that her friends’ husband just came home and she had to go. "Weren't you just in middle of a deep conversation?" I asked her, "yes" was the reply. End of discussion. No need to rehash with her how she felt about her friend.

I asked around and found that this is the norm. It is normal for friends to shmooze on the phone until their spouse comes home from yeshiva, work, chavrusah, or shopping. Once the husband is home, they give their full attention to him, whether he wants it or not. Whether they are in middle of an emotional conversation with a friend, or just reminiscing or just talking. No matter what, as soon as that door opens, down goes the phone.
Is it just me, or do you feel bad for the friend whom she was on the phone with? I mean, if I was on an emotional tirade and my friend hangs up on me because her husband just walked in, I would still feel rejected from my friend. This person feels horrible that she was pouring out her emotions and feelings and then just dumped when her friend’s door opens. Not even an "I will speak to you later" or "be strong, it will be okay" Nothing of that sort. Just "gotta go, bye" and then the slamming of the phone.
My opinion is, either you know when your husband comes home and not be on a call from five minutes before he comes home, or you nicely tell your friend that you need to go but you will call her back and what she said is important to you, but right now you must go. I don't see husbands hanging up the phone the minute the wife walks through the door. So are the wives doing that? Remember, not everyone you speak to is married, or has the same lifestyle as you. By hanging up the phone without a comment of such hurts the people you are talking to whether it is a friend or even a parent, or boss, or teacher. Always remember not to hurt people’s feelings because of your agenda. Not everyone understands why you do the things you do.
On one hand I understand when the husband walks in, he should be the center of her attention. Everything should fall to the waste side, and nothing bad should be spoken. Giving him a huge smile and a drink in hand, take his coat from him and get his slippers. Let him complain about work and the wife gives him a hot meal, a massage and what have you. Never once complaining about her day or what went wrong with the kids or the house or whatever. Nope, none of that. Okay, so maybe I am exaggerating from the 40's where that was normal. Today this is not.
What are these young ladies portraying to their husbands? Are they afraid of their husbands, and afraid to show that they have a life outside the home? Are they in fear of him that they feel the need to hang up the phone right away? Is it really for shalom bayis that when he walks through the door the wife is there all dressed up and with a full face of makeup and has a warm supper awaiting for him, no matter what time he walks in that door? Is it fair to her friend what she does? What is the right thing to do?? Wives work. Wives have a social life and other responsibilities. Yes the husband is important, but not the only one who counts anymore. She also needs to care for friends and that shows character flaw when hanging up on a friend just because the husband walks in.

Chanukkah Gifts

2004-12-12T20:17:00.000-05:00

Where did it come from that we give Chanukkah gifts? And why do we give the kids chanukah gelt as well?

Being a kid, I didn't mind, but as an adult I am wondering when and where did this come from.

I gave my Chanukkah presents out this year. I was stuck on one person and wasn't sure what to give. I knew they wanted a specific item. But I myself didn't know where to buy it or which specific item it was. So I opted out on class and gave cash. My cash that I saved for myself to treat myself to something expensive that I have wanted for over a year but could never afford via regular expense. I gave most of that money to the person and said "you must buy that thing that you want" Of course being me, I asked before hand how much it was and gave extra money so that there are other things that can be bought. I do hope that the item in question will be purchased or, do I have the right to be upset if it is not bought and the money goes back into circulation to pay for other things?

I love receiving gifts. They are fun. I always requested that when I get a gift from this one person, I want it to be done right. Gift wrapped is a must. And on occasion, cards are nice as well, like when it is my birthday. Why not? I do the same. I gift wrap and give a card. Well, this year I got a Chanukkah present. It was gift wrapped much to my surprise. Of course I knew what it was which took away from the surprise of the gift. But I got what I wanted. A wrapped gift. I guess I cannot complain. I had help opening it up and was pleasantly surprised. No card, but hey it was Chanukah. Not a birthday or anything..So that was excused.

The irony of the whole thing was, when I gave my present. It was not wrapped. Granted it was cash, but still it should have been put with a card or something. Oh well. You win some. You lose some.

But where did the gift idea come from? Are we following the customs of the goyim during this season?

Why is This Here?

2004-11-09T10:01:00.000-05:00

What are blogs? Why are they written? What does the writer intend when he/she writes a blog and hits the publish button? Does that person want people to read it? Are they using it as a diary and just need a place to vent and forget that there are lurkers?

I know some people use their blog to write about what frustrates them in life. They don't always have another avenue of where to go. They write their deepest secrets and let no one read them. Others use to write their feelings that are hard to say in person, so they write. While others just write about whatever, and it is place for them to be heard.

I have read different types of blogs. I have read those that hold secrets and wishes and desires. Where they yearn to be different. Where they just want a place where they dominate the topic. Where what they write is read and they feel important. Where they get to say things they cannot say in person, where they write to their heart contents and let others share with them the happiness and sorrows of that time.

But then there are some that people regret. They regret they put something in writing under their name. They forget that there are ways for others to read it, even when it is NOT meant for them to read. They forget that there are hackers out there who can find things and read a blog. And they might get hurt. Or a reader might get hurt. Then the blog becomes hurtful more so than a healing power. What do you do then? What happens when people over abuse a blogger and makes them regret what was written. Makes them go undercover or just take away the so needed outlet for them? Why is that done? Why are we so mean to people?

Why is there a need to destroy an outlet for people. Some like to write where everyone knows their name. Some like to write where no one knows who they are. Let them write the way they want. Why are we trying to figure them out and publicize and talk about it? How is possible that us humans like to destroy another human? Can't we just leave things alone? Is it that hard on us to let someone else be happy?

We enjoy reading blogs and see writters bloom. Leave us bloggers alone. Let us write to our hearts content. Add a comment here or there, but nothing that will make us regret what we have written. Sometimes it will be funny, others sad, another time it can be a secret. So use tact, and be careful!

Happy blogging and enjoy...

2004-11-02T22:45:00.000-05:00

Are guys really different from girls when it comes to dating? Do they really have a different train of thought? Are their thought process backwards? Do they not understand what is going on? And where things can lead to?

The other day a friend was telling me about a mutual acquaintance who was dating someone for a while. All of a sudden, after three months of dating, he is starting to question her way of dressing and her habits. They differ from what he wants. Minor issue nothing really that major, albeit a tznius issue. After conferring with a Rav who gave her the "heter" he still has doubts as to whether this is really what he wants and whether it will cause problems in the community he wants to live in.

Now, tell me this, why did he not think of this during the three months prior to this time of closer to engagement? Why did it not bother him during the first few non closeness dates? Is it really an issue or is just an out of a scary situation. Marriage! Is he just afraid to take the plunge and go for it, or is it really a legitimate reason? I have no answer.

Now mine you I have not had much to do with this guy for a few years, so his personality has changed completely. I remember him as young 18 year old and now four years later he has matured, graduated college and accomplished plenty in those years. He has basically grown up and changed. Or has he? Now that he is four years older, what makes him more grown up? Just because his age makes him older does he really act older? Based on what I am hearing, he has not changed despite the friends insistent that he is a different person.

So are the guys more wishy washy then the girls? Do the guys want to have fun and then when it is serious start thinking about it? Where as the girl want to get serious right away and then have fun...

Go figure...and we have to live with one another....

OnlySimchas.com

2004-10-10T11:37:00.000-04:00

Okay, care to explain to me the concept and reasoning behind onlysimchas.com or otherwise known as os.com. Why is there a web page for all of us Jews out there listing our locations and our mazel Tovs? I like that actually. I think it is neat to have that, but the sign my guestbook is getting out of hand.

I don't like where people are hinting in public for all to read including in-laws families what the person has done in a previous life. I mean why joke around with nicknames and make the mother in-laws think something entirely different. Why are you NOW mentioning things that have been long forgotten and not worth mentioning during this time. It is a simcha! Maybe an engagement, or marriage, or birth, bris, or what have you...Graduation, now birthdays...Why are we mentioning something that can cause misunderstandings and cause grief on such a day?

Then you have the pictures. Some of the pictures SHOULD not be posted on a Jewish web site. I guess it takes time for the pictures to go through the filters and be taken off the site. Why are competing to see how many pictures can be put up, or how many times one simcha can be added to web page. Do they actually read the names? Or if I post a simcha the next ten can do the same and have the same simcha listed ten times?

What happens if someone does NOT want their simcha listed, or what if the simcha is no longer a simcha but it is too late is has been broadcasted to the entire Jewish community and anyone else who chances by it. Oh well. Too bad. Next time think about it before posting it!

I am sure there are good things about it. Like seeing when friends whom you have lost in touch with or classmates or people you know have a simcha..And you just lost touch with and now is your chance to rekindle that relationship. Assuming that person is indeed the same person you are thinking about.

I like os and I don't like it for many reasons. It definitely needs some fine tuning and a different approach to it..But in the mean time....
onlysimchas!

Yomim Tovim and Work

2004-09-23T13:41:00.000-04:00

This year, the yomim tovim are not worker friendly. What I mean is, that they all fall out on work days, therefore affecting those who do work in offices that are not primarily Jewish, or not Jewish at all. When Rosh Hashanah falls out on a Wednesday night, one is requesting two work days off, plus half of one day. And then you have Succos. Half of one day followed by two days off. Go back to work for two days and off for the rest of the week. Might as well NOT go in..Then try to explain to boss person why you are in and out for the same holiday. Either you can work on your holiday or you can't. Try explaining Chol Hamoed.

Again, not everyone works in Jewish friendly environments where the boss' are frum and the office is closed. Not everyone gets paid whether they are there or not. It is really a trying time for some Frum people who work. I mean you are taking off for so many days, and there are only an allotted amount of days off you are entitled to. They don't always like it when you take off more than they will pay you for...Even if you take it as no pay. And what do those who need the pay in order to pay their bills, and if they take off from work with no pay how will those bills be paid if they are short a weeks paycheck?

I know Yomim Tovim are supposed to enjoyable and relaxing, but reality hits in. Unfortunately for us, we live in an American society that has their own agenda that doesn't conform with ours and therefore we lose out. Is it bad to say that because of YomTov one loses out on a promotion, or gets rejected for a job because of the religion obligations? Yes, that is true too. Think about it. Pesach was a three day yom tov, meaning one had to take off the minimum of 4 days, and now you had Rosh Hashanah and Succos, so throw in another 6 days. Totaling 10 days off. Do you want to throw in Purim, Tisha B'Av and other miscellaneous days off...And there you have it. No vacation time and you are over your paid days off plan. So yes, for those who work outside the oilam it is a very trying time. Not all bosses are accommodating, leaving you little options that are not so happy ones. But...There is not much one can do about it. Living in the gashmius world...Well, these are the consequences.

Gmar Chasima Tova

Ignorant

2004-09-07T22:22:00.000-04:00

I am so clueless about what is going on out there. Yes, the world. It exists. It is an election year. The presidential candidates are speaking about what their plans are for the next four years of this country. Do I care? Do I know what they each stand for? Do I have the time to read or better yet, do I take the time to read and update myself on life? On current events, other than my own current events! That is a big issue.

I have read others blogg about their feelings with the latest topic on the Jewish communities. I have read another, where the uneducated person writes extremely well, and yet, here I am, a supposedly educated person so uneducated because of .... I guess the only correct word is, laziness. (oops I forget some people actually know who I am!)

Anyway, I think for the upcoming new year, I should look into myself and see who I am and what have I become. I am an educated Jew. I should use it. I should be thirsty for knowledge. For Torah knowledge as well as USA knowledge. Read up on current events and not be stupid about what is going on in this fine world we live in! I really mean it. How many of you know what is going on? How many know what each candidate is talking about? How many of you heard that our former president had a quadruple bypass surgery this morning? Is it ironic, that that is the only thing I know what is going on? I read the news more often. Stop surfing irrelevant and useless websites, and start using my brain...Before I lose it!

What is wrong with an Orthodox Jew knowing what is going on in the community? Being a part of the community, and taking an active interest? What is wrong with one reading the daily paper and understanding what the other people are doing. No I am not interested in the latest scandal. I am interested in knowing if this country is going to go to war. I am interested in knowing which is the best stock to invest in, and taking an educated guess as to when I should sell, and not regret it later on. I am interested in knowing what is happening in Israel, about whether there was a suicide bombing or retaliation going on. I am interested in knowing what my two presidential candidates are talking about, and make sure that I do VOTE this coming election day! And make a difference. Yes, it is important for us to know these things. Too bad work doesn't have a current events class, which would force me into knowing these things.

2004-08-27T12:16:00.000-04:00

So I am playing around with Blogger and I screw up. I changed the layout of my page :-) Thank you thank you, if anyone notices this...and I managed to get my comments to show...But I lost the link to my guest book. You see I am not completely computer illiterate, but somewhat and therefore after not having blogged in such a long time, I lose out. So hope you all add your comments here and feel free to tell me how to add my guest book link here (which I forgot the link itself).

I was going to blog away, but I have lost the interest in the topic for now, so I will just sign off here. I don't think anyone is reading since the last post in the gb is awhile ago, and I have updated since.

So, for now, I bid you farewell and have a great Shabbos.

Why? Why? Why???

2004-08-19T11:45:00.000-04:00

Okay, I am back with a vengeance. I have seen there are those who are looking for me and trying to figure out where I went, and what has happened to me! So I decided to find some time and hock away.

Always the Jews. Why are we always in the newspaper? Why? Why? Why? When something major happens somehow the other person who is not in the limelight, but the cause, is Jewish. Let me explain myself.

We all remember when President Clinton shenanigans made the paper? The person involved with him, Monica Lewinsky, was of course, Jewish. She wasn’t the main attraction back then. But still, her father was Jewish, that made her Jewish in the media’s eyes.

So what am I talking about now? Well, as some of you may know because you live in NJ, while most live out of NY metropolitan area…let me tell you. The Governor of New Jersey is stepping down from office because of his discretion with…and Israeli Jew. Let us not go into details the morals of the family man… how wrong it was what he has done. But let’s focus on his “partner in crime”. An Israeli man. A Jew. See. We are in the paper again. And again and again. And usually it is not for the good. Why is that? Why is Kushner in the paper? The top supporter of days schools in New Jersey?! Why why why?
Why are not so careful with what we do? Why do we let ourselves get caught? Or better yet, why do we do something that will get us in trouble and in the papers? A Jew who supports his schools (they are named after his family) and Jewish institutions. On the board of a major “yeshivish” college…and now that gets dragged into the media and being checked out. Do we really need the government checking our every step? Don’t we learn? Will we ever learn that we are never too safe and that when things are going smoothly…something will come along and shake us all up?

Why is the man denying things? Why was he given such powerful jobs that he was NOT qualified for? A job paying over 100 grand a year for something he didn’t have the credentials for? Why was he getting a paycheck for something he knew nothing about and never showed up for? Why was he friends with those mentioned above? Yet claiming he was coerced. What is going on here? Is there more than meets the eye? I am sure there is, and we just need to wait and see.

Enough Enough Enough! Isn't it Enough Already??!!

2004-06-02T12:21:00.000-04:00

Okay, so now I can hock about the latest contraversies. I don't get it. I don't get us anymore! Why do we Jews LOVE being in the news?! Don't we know how bad it is for us to keep having our issues bad mouthed all over the worldly news. Don't we know that the media will eat it up and turn everything upside down, just to portray us as the bad or wierd or crazy people? Have we not learned out lesson yet...we do have a history of this.
We know that no matter what we do, it will make the news. Again, the media loves to hear and publish all this. Whether it is CNN or NYTimes or what have you, 1010 WINS, they will find the news and broadcast it. Some will try to understand us, others will just portray us the Psycho!

A few weeks ago, the news was that Orthodox Jews were burning their wigs in Williamsburg. Woopeedoo. Does it have to be in the news? DO we really need to talk to reporters and have them cut and paste our comments to say what we didnt say, but yet it is a quote because after all, we did say it, but they just took out a few words to make it what they want it to prove. We just dont learn, do we?? Why does the world care what the Orthodox Jews are doing? Why does it need to be in the news and on the radio and have people trying to figure out religion, once again?

Today on the news as I was driving. Orthodox Jews in New York City are not drinking the tap water as it is deemed NOT KOSHER for drinking by some Rabbis. Okay. what the $%^&*(O is going on here. Any sane person would think that the Orthodox Jews have gone nuts and off the deep end. WATER not KOSHER?! I just do not get it. Yes, they might have things in it, but tell me, when was the last time you saw a bug crawling out of your spout in your sink? Tell me when the last time you drank a bug? Or the last time you actually looked at the "clean" NYC water?! What is going on here? Will someone please explain it to me? Will someone please explain why the Rabbi said NO INTERVIEWS and kept his door closed the whole time while they tried to interview him. Who is giving out this Psak?

What will be next in the news? Bad enough we ourselves try to cover up MAJOR issues that shouldnt be covered up...Like arresting a driver who has caused 45 girls to be seriously injured. Yes, he deserves to pay fo this..and it should not be paid off. Whould you really want such a driver on the road?? Speeding next to you? But you didnt hear abou that in the news. Why is that?
I just don't get the Orthodox community anymore.
I question it. and Question our authoritative figures. With so much kiruv going on now, did it ever occur to anyone that we might be losing Orthodox Jews to these issues???

What is going on ?????

2004-05-21T14:17:00.000-04:00

Now I am mad. Angry. Confused.
How can this happen? AGAIN! Once again, we are in the newspapers, frowned upon and questioning our beliefs. And they are right! Even our own people are questioning this and trying to figure it out.
Men have no business multi-tasking, or taking over their wives jobs when it comes to children. Yes, I am talking about the latest current events that has happened yesterday afternoon. Rachmana L’Tzan, the poor 7 month old baby boy just sitting in his car seat with blisters…hoping that someone would save him from the heat. Yes, he was saved from the heat…by the Ribono Shel Olam. He took him back to shamayim after a short visit on this planet. And it bothers me to no end.
I don’t know the full story. I just know what I read in the paper and take it with a grain of salt. Something has to be true, if the baby boy is no longer with us here. What I do know is that the father left his baby boy in the car. Alone. In the heat. To roast.
What is the father doing dropping off the baby at a babysitter? Why isn’t the wife doing it? I mean in most cases the mommy drops off the kids and then heads out. Why was the role switched? I mean of all things…to leave him in the car while he goes to learn Torah. What is the irony of that?
If this bothers me to no end, imagine what it does to those who are so desperately trying to have children and don’t have…and they hear this story? What about those who lost their child to a sickness and hear this? Anyone who hears this will feel for the parents, but you know what. I feel for the baby! I feel for all babies out there. I think Rabbanim need to step in and do something about this. This is NOT the first time. It has happened last year at least once, if not twice!
For all those men out there, be careful. When you are doing something that is not your norm for the day, be extra careful especially when dealing with children. NO MATTER what kind of pressure/stress you are under this is NO excuse whatsoever. I don’t care what has happened! We are talking about human life here.
With that I bid you a good shabbos and hope that all is well where you live…..

Going away for YomTov

2004-04-20T00:08:00.000-04:00

As I was speaking with friends I realized how hard YomTov is for those who go away. You see, just because they do not have to cook or clean for YomTov, they have to pack for the entire time they will not be home. For some it is easier than others because they will be living at home and eating out. But for those who go away, they need to pack.

Now, don't start getting hyper on me and yell "how dare you compare packing to preparing..." I will state my view on going away! You see for those who go away, they need to pack. They need to pack for themselves, and for their spouse if there is one, and do not forget to throw in kids...if they are any. Then you have to plan a head. You need to make a calculation and figure out what the weather will be like in the future. Say, it is April, it should be nice weather, sun...a bit cold at times etc...BUT what happens when it is 35 degrees most of the time and raining almost every day?! Like this past year??? There goes the clothing....no Spring Pesach this year for New Yorkers.

But what about those who went outside the machane, and went to other states and had lovely weather excpet for the days that they left...those poor people! They had 70-85 degree weather the ENTIRE time except for the last day of their vacation! They needed to take their summer clothing out and predict that although it is usually colder where they are going, it turns out nicer than home. Go figure. So again, you are planning the future with Mother Nature! Not a smart thing to do.

But then you have those who have it even harder. Those who go away to a hotel for YomTov. Oy, the planing, the packing, the decissions they need to make. A new outfit for every meal. You cannot wear the same thing twice and you do not know what the weather is. For the females it is even harder, as they cannot wear a robe!! So what do they do? Bring their whole wardrobe plus? I am sure they are thinking how easy it would be if they were home, and had the option of their entire closet at their disposal!

So, for those of you who stay home...do you really wish you could go away and deal with these hardships???
Let me know....

Thank You

2004-03-25T23:34:00.000-05:00

Hey, I noticed that some of my readers are actually signing my guestbook to show their support to my hard work. It is greatly appreciated, as I always like to know who is reading, and what they think of it. I am surprised that some whom I thought would be reading, are not reading, or still choose not to sign, but that aside, thank you loyal readers! I will stick around for a while and see what is left to hock about.

You see, I don't hock about current events, or I usually do not, because everyone else can. I don't hock about personal things, because that will give away the identity of me. SO I am limited at to what I can hock about without insulting others and without giving myself away.

So basically there is not much I can write about as of now, so I will just go as quickly as I came on tonight...and sign off.

So this hock was really just to say thank you!! for reading! and for your comments!!!

Nothing

2004-03-17T23:17:00.000-05:00

I was reading a webpage that had mentioned me. MOI! Little me was mentioned and I decided that I must hock! It is due time for a hock from toohock and show the hockers and bloggers out there that I am still here and still hocking when I have time.

You see, I posted a hock not that long ago, okay about three weeks ago, and I got NO response about it. Nadda. Not a one! No one signed.. no one read, no one cares about me...so why should I hock when there is no one out there reading this.

Purim was great! And now it is time to get rid of all the food so fast in time for Pesach. Why is it that Pesach is so close to Purim? You have all this chamatzedike food that you must get rid of before you even bring it into your house...I don't get that part...but I love both so I wont complain about either one.

Not much is going on. The bloggers or non bloggers who have their own page aren't updating. Hashkafah is well, not what it used to be and all that is left is real life. Now real life is well...life.

So for all my faithful readers out there....Have no fear. I am here. I am not leaving so fast. and if you actually sign the guestbook...I will continue otherwise, I will have to figure out what to do with this blog...You see, there aren't too many readers anymore...they think I have forgotten, but boy will they be surprised when they see me update more often!
So till next time.....
Happy Cleaning....

Happiness

2004-02-23T14:42:00.000-05:00

Happiness.

What is happiness? Who is truly happy? And why are there different things that make us happy? Why is that what makes me happy won’t make you happy and what makes you sad wont upset me?

Are we the same or are we different? Can we appreciate each other if we have different levels of emotions and understandings? If what makes you happy makes me sad, how can we be friends? How can I understand why you are happy if what makes you happy makes me sad? Why don’t you understand my happiness and forget your feelings for the sake of mine?

It happens. What you would never wish upon yourself happens to a good friend. Yet the friend is very happy in their own way and you being a good friend need to be happy as well. Would you ever want that to happen to you? Maybe. Maybe not. But in this case you are very happy for your friend, even if you would not wish this upon yourself. People need to think outside the box. Stop being selfish and think about others. Just because it does not make you happy, look and try to understand why it makes the other person happy. Forget yourself for a change. You are not important here. After all it is not you we are talking about. It is someone else. When it is you we are talking about, then you can take your sensitivity into play. Forget the "me" and the " I wouldn't" and "if I were you, I would...". This is not what a friend needs to hear. What a friend needs to hear is what you want to hear when you are in need of a friend. Keep that in mind the next time your friend is talking to you and asking you for advice.

For the you out there that I am talking to and you know who you are, (and I do not know if you are even reading this or not) I am truly happy for you. I might not wish it upon everyone, but for you and in your case I am truly happy and understand. You are a wonderful strong person! We are all happy once we think outside the box.

Goodluck and you should be with mazel with whatever you chose to do!

2004-01-06T16:14:00.000-05:00

Hashem, have mercy on your people. I read a heart wrenching work of someone who is trying to have a baby and has not carried a baby to term. It is so sad to read such news when you hear about current events like the previous post.

Why are we hurting? WHY? WHY? WHY? Be happy with what we have. We are happy, but who says we can't be unhappy with what we do not have. There are people who are trying everything just to produce an off spring, and for some it comes so easily...

We will never understand what the Master has planned for His people. We are after all His chosen people. We cannot question Him and challenge His decissions. We can just daven and daven for what we think is the right thing.
But we never know. Do we.

I really feel for my friends who are trying and trying and having such issues. It tears my heart to hear their please and their sorrows...may we never fully understand their issues, and may they have a speedy refuah and answer to their bakashah.

The News

2003-12-01T11:15:00.000-05:00

I must vent out here regarding listening to the news. On my drive to work this morning, I had the news playing and was listening to current events. The latest in the news...A minister is preparing his church for sunday services. When he opens his front door he finds a shopping bag on his steps. So he takes it in assuming it is food or clothing left for the needy. When he unwraps three layers of bags, and then a shopping bag, he find NOT clothing or food BUT a dead baby. A mother left her newborn dead on the steps of a church!

I cannot even imagine a mother doing such things to a newborn when I have friends who would love to have a baby but Hashem does not feel it is the right time for them. And here you have these little children having babies and do not know what to do with them. I am besides myself. When I hear this I cry for the little baby who never had a chance and I cry harder for my friends and those whom I do not even know but hear the stories of their unsuccesful attempts to have children...or even one child.

Why does this happen? Why do women who want to have children do not have children and those who dont want to have children have? What is the Master Plan behind all this? It is hard to understand what Hashem plans for us. Why are His children suffering and crying and yearning when the others just throw away the gift of life? Why? Why? Why?

As usual, LIFE

2003-11-25T11:00:00.000-05:00

So it has been almost a full month since I last blogged, and that was not a real blog! Go figure. Life gets so interesting you can't even imagine. Why when we feel that life is good we get surprises that are not so good? And that turn life upside down and make it very stressful. Why is life full of surprises and not all the surprises are ones we want?

Why are all or should I say most of my hocks about life? Does that say something about my life? Or about the life's of my friends and I am vicariously living through them and telling you about it? Either way life is still the same and we all have to deal with it.

I have a friend who is bored. She is looking for something to do, while another would love to slow things down and get out of the many projects she is responsible for. Go figure. Two friends. One extremely busy and one looking to be busy. Each want what the other person has, yet when they really think about it they are happy that they have their lot to deal with and do not want their friends package.

Why when we look at other peoples problems we are able to help them see the blind spots in life that they are missing. It comes so easy for us to see the red warning flags, we are so surprised that they do not see it, yet when it is our life we are blind to the same warning flags and when it is pointed out to us, we are shocked! Can it happen? Are we quicker to judge other people and blind to our own mistakes? Do we even learn from other peoples mistakes so we too wont make them and perfect our life just a bit? I think not. I think we turn an eye on our own errors and need to have someone else point them out to us. And when we are told we are doing wrong, we are defensive. We can't hear it, yet we are quick to point out the mistakes of others.

Why are humans so sensitive about their doings that it is very hard to accept criticism? And on the same note, why is it so easy to give criticism to others? Are we careful when we speak to friends about things that we try to understand what they are going through? Can we really put ourselves in their shoes and walk a mile in the same shoes and do things differently? I think not. I think we would likely do the same if not worse. Each their own. We keep forgetting that our values and beliefs and ethics differ from the next. No matter if you are like twins in other ways.

If someone is having a hard time coping with one aspect of life, but another part of life is going amazing, people wonder how that is possible. If one part is so screwed up why isn't the persons entire life going to hell? Hashem blessed us with multi-tasking. We are able to do more than one thing at a time and therefore we can excel in some and fail in others. But it is not always a failure when things go wrong. It can be a mistake made and now you are correcting the mistake.

So go correct your mistakes and work things out. We are thankful to have our friends help us see things that we tend to be blind towards.

Thank you friends!

Had to Share this with my readers

2003-10-29T12:11:00.000-05:00

THE CAB RIDE - Author Unknown

Twenty years ago, I drove a cab for a living.

When I arrived at 2:30 a.m, the building was dark except for a single
light in a ground floor window. Under these circumstances, many drivers
would just honk once or twice, wait a minute, then drive away.

But, I had seen too many impoverished people who depended on taxis as
their only means of transportation. Unless a situation smelled of
danger, I always went to the door. This passenger might be someone who
needs my assistance, I reasoned to myself.

So I walked to the door and knocked. "Just a minute", answered a frail,
elderly voice.
I could hear something being dragged across the floor. After a long
pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 80's stood before me. She
was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it,
like somebody out of a 1940s movie.

By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no
one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with
sheets. There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on
the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and
glassware.

"Would you carry my bag out to the car?" she said. I took the suitcase
to the cab, then returned to assist the woman.

She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb. She kept thanking
me for my kindness.

"It's nothing", I told her. "I just try to treat my passengers the way I
would want my mother treated".

"Oh, you're such a good boy", she said.

When we got in the cab, she gave me an address, then asked, "Could you
drive through downtown?"

"It's not the shortest way," I answered quickly.

"Oh, I don't mind," she said. "I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to a
hospice".

I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening.

"I don't have any family left," she continued. "The doctor says I don't
have very long."

I quietly reached over and shut off the meter. "What route would you
like me to take?" I asked.

For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the
building where she had once worked as an elevator operator. We drove
through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they
were newlyweds. She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse
that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl.

Sometimes she'd ask me to slow in front of a particular building or
corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.

As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said,
"I'm tired. Let's go now."

We drove in silence to the address she had given me.

It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway
that passed under a portico.

Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up.

They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move. They must have
been expecting her.

I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door.

The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.

"How much do I owe you?" she asked, reaching into her purse.

"Nothing," I said.

"You have to make a living," she answered.

"There are other passengers," I responded.

Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me
tightly.

"You gave an old woman a little moment of joy," she said. "Thank you."

I squeezed her hand, then walked into the dim morning light.

Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life.

I didn't pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost
in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk.

What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatient
to end his shift?

What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven
away?

On a quick review, I don't think that I have done anything more
important in my life.

We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments.

But great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped in what
others may consider a small one.

PEOPLE MAY NOT REMEMBER EXACTLY WHAT 'YOU DID, OR WHAT YOU SAID,

~BUT ~

THEY WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER HOW YOU MADE THEM FEEL.

We won't get any big surprise in 10 days if we share this with those we
care about but, we might help make the world a little kinder and more
compassionate if we keep this in our hearts.

Life

2003-10-22T11:21:00.000-04:00

Life is interesting. Just when you think you have a handle on it, it changes on you and you have to readjust and figure out what to do.

Life is interesting. Every life is different. Yet we all do the same thing. We all get up, and go to sleep at night. But how we fill our day is different and therefore it affects who we are and who we want to be.

Life is interesting. When we least expect things, when we least desire changes in our life, when we are happy with the way life is headed....it changes on us.....

Life is interesting. We keep forgeting that it is not us who gets to control it. It is not us who has a say in life. It really is not up to us. Someone else has a good handle on our life and we just have to accept what is given.

Sign my guestbook

Erev YomTov

2003-10-10T11:46:00.000-04:00

It has been a while since I have hocked. Don't get me wrong. There are plenty to write about, but as all good hockers, we have issue with time. And me too. I am having issues with time. Life is funny. Sometimes we are bored, or have nothing pertinent to tend to, so we do the things we want to, like blog...and other times...whoah. We have like the whole world crashing down on us. BH! We need excitement and things to keep us busy...otherwise, it can lead to trouble.

I cannot believe it is already Succos. RH and YK are already behind us and we are 15 days into our new year. Will our Tefillos be answered in the manner we hope? Will our wishes come true for us soon? Will this be the year THE YEAR for what we all really want? Who knows, but we all must continue to daven to Hashem and reinforce the decree and secure the year for us. Just because Yom HaDin is behind, does not mean that we are done, and that is it. Hashem is still waiting to hear our Tefillos and our requests and our tears and want us to continue to talk to him. That is why He planned the year the way He did. Just don't forget to Open your heart to Him and daven.

So, go finish cooking or putting up your succah. Help with the Erev YomTov preps...and don't forget to enjoy this Joyous YomTov. It is fun. Eating in the succah, BH the weather here is perfect for the succah. Not freezing just yet. Hashem is blessing us so far with great weather for the succah. No obstacles of pouring rain, and deciding if allowed to eat inside when we know the mitzvah is to eat in the succah. Do we remember to say Thank You to our Master for the little things?

Enough. Get off the computer and enjoy the preperations and the erev YomTov mitzvohs!
A gutten Yom Tov to all.
and of course....sign the guestbook.....

Yomim NoRaim

2003-09-22T21:44:00.000-04:00

The Yomim NoRaim are approaching real fast. Can you believe Rosh Hashanah is in just a mere four days away? The day Hashem judges us and writes the upcoming year for us. Our future. The one we always try to plan and keep forgetting that we are not the Master Planner. We forget that there is a Planner whom we cannot see who controls the strings and the way things turn out. We forget. Now is the time to remember. To plead with the Planner Himself for what we want.

How we neglect to realize that what we want might not be good for us. We think we will be happy with it. We feel we deserve more because look at our neighbors, they have the good life, the luxuries they don't even realize. I would treat it better. If I had that, I would never do such a thing. Of course not. But do you realize that what you have and your neighbor does not, they are doing the same to you. Looking at what you have and how if they had it, would be much better at it. Of course. We don't have that nisayon. We don't have that luxury just yet.

Patience. Tefilos. Tears. Kavanah. Meaningful prayers are needed. Daven for your neighbor before yourself. Daven that they have all the good and that you wont have green eyes on them. Daven for a healthy family. A whole family. A wealthy family. For all the good should fall on them. And for yourself, Hashem knows what you need. Hashem cares for you too. Hashem loves you. There are no favorite children here. We are all one. We are all Hahsems favorite. We all get what we deserve.

What we deserve. In whose eyes? Who is doing the calculation? Who is judging? We mortals do not know what is going on with the books. There is no accountant there saying what is equal or not. No lawyer fighting for an equal share. Just us mortals down below who think we know what is equal. What is fair?

Do we forget that this is Olam Hazeh. Not the ultimate world? Do we need reminders that this is not permanent? Do we need petches? What do we need to keep us on our toes that Moshiach is on His way and we need to be ready? What is important to us? Where are our suitcases packed and waiting for redemption? If they are not ready, do we really believe? Do you really believe?...

Sign my guestbook

Changes

2003-09-17T13:24:00.000-04:00

Changes are no fun. Why do people find that changes are hard and don’t like it? Are we all set in our ways and once we know how to do something we do not want to change them because we are comfortable and we don’t like to be uncomfortable and when we change things, we need time to adjust to it? Why are we so afraid of changes? Why do we feel that change is bad? Not all changes are bad and therefore no need to worry.

Marriage is a big change in life. Especially when you are a bit older and have been living a single life. Not to say there is no change if you get married very young. But it gets harder when you are older and have gotten a regiment and used to doing things your way. But why not open ourselves up to different ideas and approaches on doing things. Again, why are we so afraid to open up to changes? In marriage you are taking two people who grew up differently and making them live together and come up with a plan on how they want to run their household. Now that is a big change, but it is done! As so many are married and doing it. It is scary to think that what you do now, will have to change once you are married because you have another person to consider. The world is not revolving around you. Go figure. It might take us some time to realize that, but it is true.

Another change that is drastic is kids. Before you adjusted your life to your spouse and that took time to get used to. And then when kids come around, they show you who is the boss around the house. They make you change your sleep cycle and your daily cycle on what you are so used to doing. Whether it is going to work every day or sleeping late, or being lazy, or being overly productive. Once kids come around, you will need to change your lifestyle once again to accommodate the new people who you need to care for.

Moving and going on with life is a change. If you move from city to city, you are changing your neighbors, and your hometown, and your location. You just got used to the people, you got to know them real well and then you move. Go figure. Such is life. It happens to the best of all.

Sign my guestbook

Poing?

2003-09-16T21:20:00.000-04:00

So is this a dare or a test? Am I being tested now to see if I can be the ultimate hocker and blogger by updating my page often enough that my readers do not forget me even if I do not have much to say? Hmm so let’s think about this for a minute.

There are many other hockers out there who have not updated in a while, and yet, I seem to be the one singled out to update because that will prove my status, my ratings. I think I am for this, you ready to read on?

The point in blogging for me is to write when I feel like it. To have readers read and comment on my works. You see, I like many others, think I like to write, except when pressured to write or need to research for college. This blog is a pressurized blog, to see if I pass the test. So I will try my hardest to find something to write about just to say I can hack it.

No one seems to have commented on my previous blog about e-mails. I guess I am losing readers and this in it of itself will be a waste of time for me to type up, because I don’t have a fan club yet. A fan club. Hey, I like that idea. A fan club for TooHock. Sounds nice.

Well, I’m not going to embarrass myself anymore and make believe there is a real point to this blog, because even I can’t think of one…but I guess I can always use this as a shout out:

Mazel Tov to SHE who is engaged to her PeterPan (if you read her site, you will understand the amazing and beautiful hashgacha in this engagement)

So until next time….adios!

Blogger's block

2003-09-15T21:10:00.000-04:00

I’m losing my touch. I can’t think of something to write about. Is this what people call writers’ block? Or in this case is it blogger’s block? In any event, I am wracking my brains trying to think of something that will entice a response from my non-existence readers, but to no avail. Blank. Nothing. Nadda. Can’t think of what to write about that is of interest to you guys. I thought my last topic, about emails was funny, I am sure that it has happened to you at least once, but no one said a word about it. I know I have readers, as I see the counter go up in numbers daily, but no one seems to want to give feedback.
I guess I am not the only one who has writers block. You do too.
So until next time...Sign my guestbook

Emails

2003-09-13T21:19:00.000-04:00

Email. Don’t you love the new technology of getting information from point a to point b? Forget the postage stamp of 37 cents, forget going to a mail box and dropping your letter in it, you just type your message on the computer, hit the send key and off it goes to the receiver. For free. No paying per letter, no mail box and dropping the letter off. It can be a note to say hi, or a long letter, anything you want it to be. So easy since you are already sitting at a computer. It is effortless and painless. What can be wrong with email? It is so simple, anyone can use it.

Well, let me tell you a funny mishap, it is funny now, after the fact. The other day I was typing a letter to send to someone. I was a little annoyed at first so I made mentioned what I was annoyed about and then went on to the mundane information I needed to share with that person. It wasn’t so private or personal, but the first paragraph was, as it showed my annoyance. I click from my address book and send. I happen to be using hotmail and when it finishes sending your email it tells you your mail was sent to that person. I take a look at the recipient and gasped! That was NOT the person to whom I addressed the letter to! No! No! No! I looked at my address book and realized that I had clicked on the name just below the rightful owner of that email. What could I do? I was stuck in such an embarrassing situation. I did not want that friend reading the email when it was not meant for her to read it. I realized that with hotmail, there was nothing I could do. So I emailed that friend, and told her, please forward the email back to me. And I hoped for the best. I thought about it for a moment and was happy that at least my error was favorable, and I trusted this friend not to read it any further than the salutation, realizing it was not for her. And she would delete it without causing me embarrassment.

When I spoke to her later that evening, she told me exactly that. She deleted the email until she read my next email asking her to send it back to me, I was thinking of resending it to the original person, but then I realized the information was already stale. My annoyance was old and unnecessary to reiterate it again and the rest of the email was unimportant by the time I received it back.

So this escapade made me think about emails. Who would think that this would happen? When you write a simple letter you address the envelope to who you want it to go to. You do not normally make this mistake in addressing an envelope to someone else! But with emails and electronics, we rely on them so heavily that we forget that we can make mistakes with them as well. Once an email is sent, there is no way to retrieve it (unless you are using AOL). It makes you think twice before you are sending an email to someone.

But apply this to other things in life. When we say things to people we cannot take back what we said. There is no “delete sent mail” option in real life. We must be careful with what we say! Words can hurt a person whether we intended it to or not. So with two weeks to Rosh Hashana, take the time and realize what you say and what you email. Think about it before you say or send. Would you regret this if it reached the wrong ears or eyes? And if yes, is it worth to say or write?
Sign my guestbook

Remember 9-11-01

2003-09-11T12:56:00.000-04:00

I was driving to work today with the news on. What an emotional drive that was for me. Hearing these little children read 1200 plus names and occasionally add in “my father…” “my mother..” it tore at my heart! The tears stayed in, but the lump in my throat would not go away, for a long time!

For those who don’t know, today is the anniversary of that day. You know the day very well it was on the news non-stop. The day that changed the United States of America, the way we know it, forever. I am talking about 9-11-01.

I have heard people saying that that day did not affect them at all. They didn’t have relatives who worked in NYC, they don’t live in NYC, or what have you, and therefore they are and were unaffected by the tragic events that took place. That is completely false, and I do not understand how they really believe it.

Do you realize that from that day onward, the USA changed from the way we have known it to be? Let me explain this to you. No matter where you live, even if you live under a rock somewhere you were affected you just might not be aware of it. USA has lost its freedom. Lost the security of having a free life. We had a worried free life here the USA. We were NOT worried about terrorist before this somber day. You see if you compare to Israel and say well they live with terrorists bombing, etc, now we are getting a taste of their daily lifestyle. Yes, we got the taste, but you see we are different here in the USA. We never had to worry about it and the land of Israel always had this history with her enemies. SO stop comparing the two. We are in America we do not have terrorists’ actions so known to us going on here. We do not have people who would bomb themselves up to kill others. We do not have…. oh, I forgot, we do have this now. We do need to worry about the person sitting next to us on the train who is acting a weird, and jumpy. We are going to analyze every mid eastern looking man now even more so then before.

We are afraid now. We live in fear. We did not have this two years and one day ago. We were living life they way we always lived it. Now we are more protective of our life. Now we make sure there’s security outside all the shuls on the Yomim Noraim, tighter security than prior years. If we were not affected, why do we have this? Do those people who don’t want to think about how it affected them see this? Do they realize that we lost or security in living in America? And that the Jews are being subjected to scrutiny because the rest of the world feels that the Jews knew about, they had to know, because so many were late to work that day, or didn’t show up. So we knew and just didn’t share the news with the rest of the world. Anti-Semitism is rising once again, and that is directed towards us, since we are Jewish.

Did you also note what the affects of having the financial district close up for a long time? Having the stock market shut down for weeks on end, and not sure what will happen? Even if you do not own stock, you realized that the US economy was affected and still struggling to go back up. Yes, it the 9-11-01 tragedies are still crippling us, and we are only now trying to get out of it. That is just financially. Imagine the organizations who collect Tzedaka from people and they rely on certain donors to give them a large sum, and now, they are not getting it anymore, so they not only do they need the small check, they need a backer once again. You see our schools are affected because of the supporters might have taken a big hit from the stock market and now are unable to support the organizations they used to support. This is our future! So yes, it does directly affect us a whole!

We live in the USA we owe the USA for letting us live the way we live and not question and bother us regarding our religious beliefs. We need to thank the country for letting us live here for as long as we have. Go back in history, and look how the Jews were persecuted in each country there were in. The Romans, the Greeks, Egypt. Yes they were all part of Hashem’s master plan, but here we are living free to do what we need to do. In Europe, just a few generations ago we have the holocaust that tried to destroy us, and USA accepted us into their country to live free. FREE! Something our brethrens in Europe now don’t always get to see (Belgium where anti Semitism is strong!!).

So before you say that what goes in USA does NOT affect you, think again. Think of the repercussions. Remember that being a Jew, we are always blamed for things and will be used as scapegoats.

REMEMBER 9-11-01. WE SHALL NEVER FORGET!

Death

2003-09-10T12:43:00.000-04:00

I apologize to you in advance. I know that someone wrote about it recently and I held back for a while, but I felt that it is a fine time now to write about it.

Last week, I get a call on my voicemail. “Hi Too Hock, it’s me, calling to say, give me a call when you get a chance”. And sure do I call back. Haven’t spoken to her in a long time and I was happy to hear her from her. So I call her back expecting it to be light conversation. “Hi, it’s Too Hock. I got your message, how are you?” “I’m fine B”H, and you?” the usual for a minute or two, and then “oh, you remember when I asked you to say Tehillim for my mom?” “Uh, yeah” “well, she was niftira this past Shabbos.” SHOCK! Total and utter shock. Nothing could be said at that minute. I mean I needed time to process this information. I mean this girl is around my age, and her mother was very young! YOUNG! So I just listen to her and ask the right questions.

It seems that her mother was sick and was in the hospital for a few months. And when my friend spoke to the Dr and the nurse and whoever works with the patients, they told her that she is a strong woman. That though what she is sick with (kidney failure) is fatal, she has a strong heart that will keep her alive. This was on Thursday. Shabbos they get a call. It is all over. What happened to the strong heart? What happened to what they just said a day ago? Why did this happen now? Why? Why? Why?

I did not know what to say to her, but I somehow managed to say the right words to her. And expressed my sympathies to her. I felt horrible that I was unaware of this at the time, and therefore didn’t do a lot of things that I should have done. Called more often. Really say Tehillim, had I known it was fatal. Visit her mother in the hospital, even if she did not know me so well. And call and offer support to my friend. To lose a parent at any age is hard. And though this girl is married with kids, it is hard for her. Her mother a’h was a young woman. But B’H she was able to see her daughter married and know the grandchildren, and have names for her parents. That was what she wanted. What do you say? B”H my mom is healthy and around. No matter how old you are, you need your mother. So, I told her the usual. She is not suffering anymore. We are really selfish.

SELFISH? Yes, you read correctly. We are selfish when it comes to death. We are sad when someone dies and wonder why it happened to US! In this case, the mother is NOT suffering anymore and in the Olam HaEmes. Why should she still be suffering in this world when she is going to a better place? Just because we need her and because we want her too…that makes us selfish. When someone close to us dies, we are sad and we want him or her to still be here. We don’t really look at where they are going and what is happening.

This is the will of Hashem. He pulls all the strings here. The whole purpose of this world is to prepare us of the next. We need to take advantage of the fact that we are still here and able to mitzvos and score points for the future generations and ourselves. It is also Chodesh ELUL. Rosh Hashana is so close! Hashem will soon be decreeing the New Year for us, and now is the time we have to add our two cents in and ask for things. Hashem is always listening. But we need to remember that the Master Himself plans the master plan and we mortals do not understand all that is happening. We do not understand why things are done and can only try to make sense of it. At times, it can take years and years to understand on our level why something happened. Though at the time it happened, we are sad and clueless as to the why! Years later, when we grow up and live life, we get to see a glimpse of Hashem’s reasoning.

You see we don’t always have to see they Why’s in life. But it is good to occasionally see them so to restore our emunah. It can get very hard and frustrating to blindly accept things when they are meant to hurt us. So when us humans get to understand something, we feel better. It helps us.

Tomorrow is also the anniversary of September 11, 2001. The date we will all remember 9-11-01. Although some think they might not have been affected by it, they are wrong. EVERYONE was affected and still being affected by it in some way (a discussion that doesn’t fit in with this one). Do we yet understand the Why’s in this occurrence? Do we understand how it could have happened? And let us not forget the most recent bombing where a father and daughter who was supposed to get married the next night were killed instantly? A father talking to his daughter the night before her chasunah! Giving her last minute advice and fatherly love, blown up because this is what Hahsem wants!

ELUL is banging at our door. Can you hear the knocking?! It is getting louder and louder but yet, at times, it seems that we are all sleeping. How louder does Hashem need to knock? I think it is all time for us to do teshuva, tefillah and tzedakah!

K’siva V’chasima Tova. (I am early, but it fits in)
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Hi!

2003-09-08T15:51:00.000-04:00

Just a short post to say HI! and I have not forgotten you dedicated readers out there. Life just a bit hectic here, so I will try to find time to blog here.

Work is fine. Getting things in order now that the computer systems are sorta back and running with out getting error codes every five minutes...just like every 2 hours instead. But I did my part today and got a lot done!

What's life outside of work? For those of you who work, sometimes wonder if there is really life outside of work. For those who work part time, of course there is life, since you are only at work for a short period of time, to pass time. But for those who work full time, is there really life outside of work?

Then the students ask, if there is life outside of school. You see, school for students is compared to full time work for those not in school. It is the responsibility that must be done. Why not? Need to make sure we get out things done what is required of us. So students need to focus on what is their responsibilities which is school. And adults need to focus on their responsibilities whatever they might be.

So my responsibility right now is NOT blogging, so I will catch you all later, but please, say HI back!
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Honesty.

2003-09-04T18:05:00.000-04:00

How many people are really honest out there? Do you go back to a store if you look at your receipt and notice that they undercharged? Or, do you say to yourself “That’s great! It was cheaper than I thought!” What are we obligated to do in such case as an Orthodox Jew?

Why am I bringing this up now? Well for starters it is Chodesh Elul. That means that Rosh Hashanah is creeping upon us and we need to be extra careful with what we do and how we act. The next is a personal story I just heard.

Payday. The day we all get paid and get excited about. Who wouldn’t? You finally get to see compensation for all your hard work that you have been for the past week or so since your last paycheck. You know the money you get? You already spend it before you get it. Well in this story something interesting happened.

The check was received and reviewed. And what do you know! The check is for more money than it should be. A raise was in affect for the beginning of the month, but the check was for work for the previous months work. So what happens now? Is the employee obligated to tell the boss of the mistake or just keep the extra bonus and not say anything, no one will notice? The accountant? I mean eventually they might figure it out, but when.

So being an orthodox Jew, and Chodesh Elul when the check was received, what was the first reaction? Go to the accountant and say, “the increase is too soon”. As the employee walked out of the office someone who overheard the conversation said, “fool”. The employee turned around and said, “ It is Elul”. And walked away. At least the employee felt that the right thing was done. Now it is up to the higher ups to do something about it.

So please, sign the guest book and offer your opinions and thoughts on this!

Wedding Shticks

2003-09-02T19:28:00.000-04:00

Where does the concept of having shtick at weddings come from? Most of the weddings I have gone to, no matter where they where, had shtick. The Kallah’s friends were in charge and made sure they were sameyach the kallah with the latest shtick. The choson’s friends had their own shtick and even costumes! They are great; everyone enjoys them and has fun with them. Usually.

But where does this custom come from? Why do we find it necessary to spend the extra money to enhance the wedding? Isn’t the mere fact that the people are there and dancing enough? Do we need outside influence now to make the weddings a greater wedding? The prices and the shtick itself can get outrageous!

You have teddy bears on sticks holding balloon filled confetti so the kallah can stand on a chair or not and pop the balloons. You have pompoms, batons, arches made of silk flowers, or helium balloons, or forget the arch, have balloons fall down the choson and kallah walk in. There are Disney characters that visit, or other such costumes that the crowd rents and dances with out showing their identity. There’s the usual umbrella, that copies the May Day affair and the bride holds this umbrella with colorful ribbon streaming down, and the girls dance around her. Oh, and let’s not forget the M A Z E L T O V signs the girls hold up and dance around with, along with some whips, and what have you.

Now, I do love the shtick! They are cute and the kallah likes them. But what is the real point of them? I mean it is nice to make the kallah happy, but there are other ways to make her happy. Show up. Dance. She is happy with that, isn’t she? Does the shtick make a wedding? Why does one feel that the kallah is a nebach, if the shtick isn’t up to par with the latest fad? The huge flowers that people dance with? Some of them are so useless there is not point in them other than to be different!

I have been to one wedding where there has been no shtick. The kallah was an older teacher in a BY school and she was also a Baalas Teshuva. She had her wedding in a smaller place than the norm, and the crowd was thinner. The girls whom she taught the previous year were invited for dancing and boy did they dance. Remember these girls were just a year out of high school. This was a wedding. It did not matter that the kallah was ten years their senior (at least) and it didn’t matter that no one thought to bring shtick. The dancing was amazing. The girls used what ever they had to use and made it a very leibadike wedding. Now mind you there were about twelve girls there dancing and the rest of the crowd was older then them. The girls took to the music and took charge when they felt the dancing was getting shvach. The napkins, plain old napkins sitting on the tables were used as whips, fans, and of course they made her jump rope with them. The girls took the napkins and used them as pom-poms while dancing. You see, it might not have been bright with different arrays of colors and different shtick to enhance the wedding, but the kallah was radiant, the girls were glowing and the guests were in for a big surprise. The girls made the Rebbetzins dance and made the “bubbies” who stand on the side line come and dance. The older kallah never looked so happy. It was a wedding!

That is what I call mesameyach the kallah. Not the colorful pom-poms or try to outdo the previous wedding with the most current and updated and never seen before shtick. The point of the shtick if for her, and she was happy with what she saw. She never expected such a dance and she got a surprise. A happy surprise. And the girls, whether they realize it or not did a tremendous mitzvah that will be rewarded one day. I don’t know if they know what a mitzvah they did, but it was surely appreciative.

So the next time you are asked to bring shtick to a wedding, think real hard and find out where else the money can go to and cut down a bit. Is it really necessary to have all the fan fare there? Is it really called for? Can’t we use what we have at the hall, or make some cute funny shtick for her and just dance with the kallah? Try it; you might start a new fad.

Mazel Tov.
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Identity Crisis

2003-09-01T21:39:00.000-04:00

Ever decide to go on line under a new screen name and talk to your usual friends online and see what they think of you or about others, or better yet, just to see how they react to having a new person on line shmoozing with them. I remember a friend telling me a story where her screen name was copied and someone was using her screen name on line in char rooms. How did she hear about this? Well, when she went online into her favorite chat room she saw it. The same name only a bit different from hers. Very confusing to the naked eye.

How she researched so hard to find out who the character was behind this practical joke, but alas, to no avail, she could not find a culprit who was willing to admit to this doing. As time went on, this was not a practical joke anymore. This person, caused her to have an identity crisis and to go into hiding for a little while. You see the joke went far beyond a friendly joke. This person was making up lies about her and telling things that were not true. And yet, she could not find the person who was behind the joke. But you know what, life goes on, and so did she. She kept her screen name and forgot about the shadow. And nothing happened. She stopped trying to find out who he/she is/was and went about her doing. She warned her friends that it was not her and to make sure she was she before they started talking to her online. Life moved on. And she is now worried free. That is behind her now.

Why do people do this? Why is there a need to drive someone crazy with fear or with anxity worrying who is stalking them and offering free information to others whether or not the info is true or not. Why are there frum people out there who would do this? Is this considered fun? Is this a new way of teasing other people? A new way to stalk people without them knowing they are being stalked? When you are online chatting/IMing with another person, how do you know that you really know that person? Is it possible that there are non-Jews reading my hock right now? I mean I see there are people who sign and don’t leave a name, so I do not know who they are! And now that gets me thinking that there are readers whom I never heard of. I don’t know the readers, but I have heard of them, so I feel safer when I “know” who is reading. But then you also have those who do not sign. Who are they? How did they find this site? Why don’t they feel the need to sign? And those who do sign, why don’t they clue me on who they are??

So many things going on the web these days, one needs to be super careful. Even if you think you know the person, make sure that he/she is who you really think it is. You never know who it might be.
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How high can you bounce your checks??

2003-08-28T20:57:00.000-04:00

Checks. Again. How do you balance your checkbook? I thought I did a good job, until I got that ominous letter telling me the overdraft kicked in, and I have six days to pay back the money or I will be charged five dollars a day for every day it is overdue. On top of that they charged me a twenty five dollar fee for the overdraft protection to kick in. At least the check did NOT bounce and cause me more headaches.

How did this happen? I normally do not write out checks for more than the amount in the bank. But alas, I forgot to fill in a check in the register, causing me to miss an amount and when trying to balance the book, I neglected to notice that one check was missing. It was just an oversight, really! I didn’t mean to cause a twenty five dollar service fee for myself and if I had known there was an outstanding check I would not have written the check that didn’t clear.

But customer service has its fine points and its weak points. I have called to get charges refunded to my account and have done so with ease, but alas, this fee seems to be too legit for even me to get it brushed under the carpet, for them to forgo the fee. It was really a mistake, and unforgivable mistake on my part. Carelessness. And now I have to pay for it. A lesson for life, always be careful. Those decimals need to be in the right place. Always record each check because you never know what may happen if you wait to do it ten minutes later.

So now, I need to get money to that bank ASAP. But the problem is, I do not live near the bank anymore. Branches open and close and well now there is no branch near me. So what do I do? If I mail a deposit to the bank, well they won’t get it till it is too late as of this glorious holiday we have on Monday. No mail. I think I will have to call in a favor from old friends and ask for some help here. Maybe someone lives near a branch and is able to help me out here and deposit a small amount of money into the account so I won’t owe the bank any more money. After all I was just trying to close the account, and now look what happens.

But last month I had a different story with the bank. I have a service fee for not using the account in the past month. Hey, no one told me that. And I had this account for numerous years. After talking to the customer service people they were able to credit me for the non usuage fee, with a friendly reminder that if I do not use it again, I will have to pay that fee.

And the month before I also had to call the 1-800 number to ask why I was being charged a fee for having an ATM card. Hello! I canceled the ATM card when I saw they were charging me money to own one, so why when not owning one do I need to pay the fee?? So after all these bogus charges I called regarding the overdraft fee. But to no avail, I must pay, unless I can find a very nice teller at a bank who will say it is okay for me not to pay it this one time. It was an honest mistake. But for me to find that teller, whoa is to me, as there is not a branch near me ….
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Cars

2003-08-27T20:37:00.000-04:00

I drive my car to work. It is the most convienent way for me to get there. Too far to walk and the train is just not what I want to do since it is a big hassle, so I drive. And I get parking as a perk. It's great. But then again I am the driver and therefore it seems it is my responsibility to fill the car with gas.

Now don't get me wrong. I don't have a problem going to the gas station and getting gas, but I usually never have time on my way home from work and that means I either go out later to get gas, or I leave extra early in the morning to get gas on the way to work. And that cuts into to my hours at work. To go out at night, who wants to go out just for gas? I surely do not want to.

Other than that driving is great. I have been driving since I graduated highschool, and it is great. 17 1/2 and driving, what could be better? You got the keys, a set of wheels and off to wherever you want to go. Of course there is that gas issue again. Last one in the car needs to fill the car with gas, as it is rude to leave a car on empty.

How many of you share a car with other people and get stuck with the car on near empty and know you will NOT make it to your destination without fililng up? Doesn't it bother you that the driver before you neglected the duty to fill up the car after driving it all over town?
Well in my case, it is me. I neglected to fill the car up and now I am going to pay for it by filling it up at night or early morning.

I wish cars had this automatic fill 'er up mode. Whenever the car is near empty it would automatically fill itself up. You would never need to go to a gas station again and fill up yourself. You know the feeling when you are on a highway at 2am and you see that funny light go on and you really do NOT feel like getting off the highway and start searching for a gas station in the middle of the boondocks...in my ideal world, the cars would fill itself up with gas and you wouldn' have anything to worry about. You wouldn't even see the light go on. You would not know that the car just refilled itself up with juice.

I am not talking about the new car, the one that is half gas half electric. I don't understand that concept. Charging your car at night? I mean in Minnesota they charge their cars in the winter otherwise...byebye charlie. It wont work in the morning. But I do not live there. I live in a more centrally location where we do not need to charge the car at night so it wont freeze overnite. But we need to keep it somewhat full with gas so it wont stall on us when we really need it.

All this complaining about cars, I can just imagine life without cars. Naaaaah...I think I will leave it at this......

Computers

2003-08-26T10:00:00.000-04:00

Computers. We all have computers, at home, at work, at school, in the library. Wherever you are there is a computer there. Even laptops are common now, with every other person getting one because they feel they need one, or they are cheap. In a company one is relying on the server for information to be stored there so that the entire company can have access to that information. We have come so accustomed to that way of thinking that when the main server is down, what are you to do?
Yes, I am sitting at work today with the main server down. Again. This is not the first time that they system has been down. The first time it happened was that faithful day in August, you know the day the electricity decided to sleep. You see that day, earlier in the day, the computer tech was here to fix our server. We all got notices that the computer system will be down for a day or two leaving us with little work to do, as our work is mainly computer work. But of course our Internet was working J. So halfway through the day, the lights started to flicker and we decided instead of having the computers going on and off by itself, we turned off the computers. Ever since then, we had had more issues with the server. So today I walk in and expected to work…and one girl tells me, “My computer isn’t working!” Now she had issues yesterday so I didn’t really care until I was at my desk and the program that I work off of wasn’t working. Time to call the boss and give him the good news.
He of course is not here yet and was planning on coming in later, so we get to call the computer tech and tell him to hurry over and fix this issue because we cannot be without a computer! But alas the poor man is not answering his phone, which means less work for us here in the office and more time to do fun things, relax, file, and blog. Good thing the Internet is hooked up differently otherwise I wouldn’t know what I would do!
So you readers are subjected to this blog about computers until it is fixed. Enjoy and please, offer your thoughts at the usual spot…
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DVD's

2003-08-21T23:57:00.000-04:00

DVD. They got to be the most frustrating way to watch a movie. I mean back in the olden days we had VCR’s where we would put the tape in and watch the video. Nothing to it. No stopping in middle for no reason. No scratches. Nothing really affected the tape unless someone pulled the actual tape apart.
BUT DVD’s. I can’t watch a not one DVD without it stopping. These are brand new DVD’s, just bought, cut the wrapper, pop the DVD into the computer, and watch a movie. But what happens. Halfway through the movie it stops. It gets choppy. It jumps. It restarts the DVD player without you doing anything to it. It has a mind of its own. And of course this happens when it is at the high point of the movie. It does NOT matter what the movie is, or where you are up to, but when it gets interesting or the plot twists…that is when the DVD knows when to stop playing properly and there is nothing you can do about it.
I wish they would let regular VHS tapes come back and let me watch a simple movie in peace. But then again one would need a monitor/VCR to watch it on…and that might be hard to come by. A DVD is simple. It is part of the computer system and no one is wiser.
So I just needed to complain about DVD’s and how annoying it is…because twenty minutes ago I was watching a good simple movie and it stopped. Now I will never know how it ends and I have given up trying to replay it after I reboot the computer.
Maybe this is G-d’s way of telling me that I should not be watching DVD’s or movies anymore. Could it be? Could a simple action like that really be a direct commandment from the One Above to little me down here telling me He is not happy with what I am doing? Is that so? If that is so, then I should really re-consider my actions as the One Above is seeing everything.
Good Night and a Good Shabbos. Two bloggs in one night definitely deserves signatures in……

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Something to think about

2003-08-21T20:55:00.000-04:00

I received this little story today in email. Something to think about. Please read the whole thing...and of course...offer your opinion in my guestbook.

An unemployed man is desperate to support his family of a wife and three kids. He applies for a janitor's job at a large firm and easily passes an aptitude test. The human resources manager tells him, "You will be hired at minimum wage of $5.15 an hour. Let me have your e-mail address so that we can get you in the loop. Our system will automatically e-mail you all the forms and advise you when to start and where to report on your
first day."

Taken aback, the man protests that he is poor and has neither a computer nor an e-mail address. To this the manager replies, “You must understand that to a company like ours that means that you virtually do not exist. Without an e-mail address you can hardly expect to be employed by a high-tech firm. Good day."
Stunned, the man leaves. Not knowing where to turn and having $10 in his wallet, he walks past a farmers' market and sees a stand selling 25lb crates of beautiful red tomatoes. He buys a crate, carries it to a busy corner and displays the tomatoes. In less than 2 hours he sells all the tomatoes and makes 100% profit. Repeating the process several times more that day, he ends up with almost $100 and arrives home that night with several bags of groceries for his family. During the night he decides to repeat the tomato business the next day. By the end of the week he is getting up early every day and working into the night. He multiplies his profits quickly. Early in the second week he acquires a cart to transport several boxes of tomatoes at a time, but before a month is up he sells the cart to buy a broken-down pickup truck.

At the end of a year he owns three old trucks. His two sons have left their neighborhood gangs to help him with the tomato business, his wife is buying the tomatoes, and his daughter is taking night courses at the community college so she can keep books for him.

By the end of the second year he has a dozen very nice used trucks and employs fifteen previously unemployed people, all selling tomatoes. He continues to work hard.

Time passes and at the end of the fifth year he owns a fleet of nice trucks and a warehouse that his wife supervises, plus two tomato farms that the boys manage. The tomato company's payroll has put hundreds of homeless and jobless people to work. His daughter reports that the business grossed a million dollars.

Planning for the future, he decides to buy some life insurance. Consulting with an insurance adviser, he picks an insurance plan to fit his new circumstances. Then the adviser asks
him for his e-mail address in order to send the final documents electronically. When the man replies that he doesn't have time to mess with a computer and has no e-mail address, the insurance man is stunned, "What, you don't have e-mail? No computer? No Internet? Just think where you would be today if you'd had all of that five years ago!"

“Ha!" snorts the man. "If I'd had e-mail five years ago I would be sweeping floors at Microsoft and making $5.15 an hour."

Which brings us to the moral of this story:.....................

Since you got this story by e-mail, you're probably closer to being a janitor than a millionaire.

Sadly, I received it also.

CheckBook

2003-08-18T21:33:00.000-04:00

Who balances the checkbook in your house? Your mother? Your father? or if you are married is it you or your spouse? Or if you are single, do you balance your own checkbook, or know your balance...?

Balancing a checkbook is real easy. You do NOT need to be Einstein here to balance a simple checkbook. You have the columns labeled. You enter your deposits under the heading "deposits/credit(+), they even include the PLUS sign for you to understand that you are adding money to the balance. The Balance column is all the way to the right. You keep adding that row of deposit or payment and get a balance...this is called a running balance.

The other columns you need to know....Description of transaction. This lets the checkbook balancer know what you did...and how to figure out expenses or income. The column right next to that on its right (columns 5) is Payment/debit ( - ) columns. This is where you put the amount of your check along with the check number (column 1) and date (column 2). If you are lousy in math, just put the numbers in the right columns, and leave the math to your significant other, or when you have a calculator handy. It is that simple. Easy. Nothing to it.

BUT WHY????? do we have so many issues with balancing a checkbook? I just told you how to do it! Why are people writing bounced checks? Why when you reconcile your checkbook with your bank statement, you are way off? How come it NEVER balances out when you try so hard to keep it even??

It must be those ATM's! I mean you write a check, you automatically enter the number and the amount...but the ATM.. You forget how much you took out or how often....or maybe it's the nasty bank fees you forget about. $1.50 for using a different ATMachine, and another $1 fee for something else. You forget...both sides need to hit you up for the money. Your account for using a different ATM other than the one with your Banks name on it, AND the ATM you use for not having an account with them. Go figure. It is like charging you for depositing a check that bounces! I mean, you don’t know it will bounce when you deposit a check you received, why should you be hit with such fees???? But back on topic....why can't a simple task be done? Why do people say.."oh, I don't do that....so and so does it...I could never balance our checkbook" WHAT's SO HARD about it???
If you know why....let me know...meanwhile I need to go see why I am not reconciling with my statement........

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BLACKOUT 2003

2003-08-16T22:38:00.000-04:00

Of course I need to write about this blackout thingamajig that happened on August 14, 2003 at 4:15 PM EST. What else is there to hock about anyway?
Where were you when the lights just shut down and NYC stopped running? Where were you when the lights started to flicker and the elevators stopped running with people inside? Where were you when trains stopped moving, and people walked down 20+ floors to leave their buildings...where were YOU???
The latest news. Breaking news. Miraculously the news were running, they didn’t seem to be affected by the blackout that affected about ¼ of the USA. They were still able to communicate with the rest of us who were in cars, or had battery operated radios, and chose to listen to what was going on.
For those of you, who were NOT affected by this, let me tell you what happened. About 4:15 on Thursday, you probably noticed that a lot of hockers vanished from various web sites hashkafah.com , and others? Do you think all of the NY’ers signed off at the same time? Yeah, right!
Well it seemed that a TREE feel in OHIO and that caused the blackout in NY, NJ, Ohio, Michigan, Canada, Connecticut and I am sure I am leaving places out, but you get the drift. NO LIGHTS, no computers, no internet (gasp!!) till …well…that all depends on where you live.
NJ got light Thursday night before midnight. Boro Park got electricity back 12 hours later, around 4am, Flatbush, well they were sitting in the dark when Shabbos came in along with Williamsburg. Michigan, they don’t even have running water…let alone electricity for the entire Shabbos. Never were the words “VYEHI OHR” mean so much to us in the 2000 generation. Who would ever think that such would happen in the year 2003??? Not I for one! Never in a million years would it cross my mind that the electricity would go out like that without notice and no one knows why. I mean, come on! It is the year 2003, and we should have backups in case something like this does happen, but, you gotta admit, it is a good story to pass on to your kids…Remember that Thursday night..erev Shabbos when there was a blackout? We were grilling food for Shabbos to eat? I walked down 16 flights just to get to my car and drive home in traffic with NO traffic lights. The Garden State Parkway tolls were for free! The tunnels were all CLOSED because there was no electricity….the MILK situation is horrendous…wow we have great stories to pass on.
“When Zaidy was young…this is how he lived…You think he had electricity and the like, nope! Bedtime was when it got too dark to do anything. Outhouses were exactly that.” Go figure. We were experience life before electricity, and we DO NOT like it, not one little bit!
Please, feel free to tell your story or thoughts on this by ……..

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What is the story about AGE?

2003-08-08T15:52:00.000-04:00

What is the big deal about dating a guy who is younger? It is not like he is 13-14, for goodness sake, he is 6months to a year younger, and you are only 22. Big deal. And what happens if you are 26 and he is three years younger? I don’t understand where the whole thing started that the girl must be younger.
Is it so bad that a guy is mature enough to go out with a girl who is two years his senior? Or is it bad that the girl is dating a guy who two years her junior? On whose part is it the “oh wow” said about? Him being younger or her being older?
Age doesn’t really make a difference. Let me retract that statement. I have friends who married guys ten years their senior. Now that is a WOW! It is almost like a different generation. When you grew up strawberry shortcake and care bears, he grew up with…holly hobby, well I guess the boys version of that generation. That’s the hardship you have. You can’t talk to him about your childhood games and dolls since he might not know what they are, especially if he grew up elsewhere, and not in the USA. But other than that, what is the whole thing about age?
I have a few friends who married younger and do they think they married a baby? Obviously not! They are still married. So can you tell me why people are shocked when the girl is smart, pretty, intelligent…the whole nine yards, why people are in a shock when they hear the guy is younger than her….what is the big deal? Did she settle? She is only 22 and engaged to a guy who is 21.5 or 21! Whoopee! What’s wrong with that??
And if the guy gets engaged to an “older” girl people wonder what is wrong with the nebach girl. I can’t stand how this works.
And then you have the reverse affect. Older single girls want to date guys their age or a few years older. “I want a guy my age within a year or two.” Never mind when you were 20 you dated guys 4 years older than you, but now that you are that age you only want your age, and if he is older than me and single there must be something wrong. Hello……….you are older and single too, is there something wrong with you? Obviously you don’t think so, so why are you being picky about his age??? What is the difference anyway? You all have to readjust your lifestyle to accommodate another person, your spouse at any age…so what is the difference how old they are?
I would love to hear your comments on this topic….so please……

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Rules of engagement

2003-08-07T19:40:00.000-04:00

A very good friend of mine once wrote a list of things to do once engaged.

Dear Kallah,
Mazel Tov! You are a Kallah! You have been waiting for this very moment since the first chasunah you attended. This is you. You are the girl everyone is talking about, you are the girl who will be up there in the white gown smiling and saying tehillim and beaming to see your choson. But before you get there, don't forget....

1. Your single friends. Remember the good times you have had with them before your choson came along? Remember the long phone calls you had and the daily shmoozes you used to have with your girl friends...well now that you are engaged and soon to be married, do NOT forget them. Have them in mind. Keep on davening for them that they too should find the right one soon. But more importantly make the time for them. Yes, you are very busy but they do not understand. Talk to them often and not always about your wedding plans. Be sympathetic to them about their mishap dates and what is currently bothering them in their life. You used to be them just a little while ago...how quickly one forgets the agony of being single once they become two. You should not be about the girl you used to talk about how she dumped all her friends once she got married. Go out fo your way to be the best friend you always was...

2. Your mother. You know how your taste in style sometimes clashes. Or you think differently then her...but remember this is her little girl getting married. Have her in mind when you do things. Don't just go with your best friend to pick out a wedding gown, go with your mom. She wants to get all teary eyed when she sees you in that gorgeous gown for the first time. Include her in everything. She is not just the pocketbook. Be sensitive to her needs...afterall you are her little girl she raised all these years and now here you are ready to move on to bigger things. She doesn't want you to get hurt and she wants to protect you and she knows that she cannot. Ask her for suggestions and ask her for advice...and dont exclude her from all your plans. She is your Mommy after all.

3. In-laws. The biggest joke is calling them out-laws. They are nervous. You are a young girl taking their son away from them. They too want to protect him of all the evils out there. They don't know you just yet, and they do not know how to talk to you yet. Not sure what to say that wont hurt you. Remember they are your chosons parents and you need to treat them the way you want him to treat your parents. Mommy/Mom, Tatty/Aba/Daddy...You find what is right for you...and don't forget those erev shabbos and erev yomtov phone calls. Score some brownie points, they will appreciate your efforts even if they dont comment on it.

4. Up to the wedding, and you are working seating arrangements. Always so nice when the Kallah writes a few personal notes on the cards for her friends. Remind them you are still the same person you where a few months back before the engagement. Thank them for being them and being there for you. Give them a bracha, a bracha from a kallah is always nice.

5. Try to dance with everyone who came to the chasunah. Whether or not she was invited. Pull the shy girl in for a dance and give her a huge smile and thank her for coming. She will feel so much better about coming if she thinks she really made a difference. Of course it did.
Now smile and enjoy your engagement. Have fun.....

Would love to hear your comments, so please.....

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Ex-dates

2003-08-05T19:49:00.000-04:00

What do you do about ex-dates? Are you allowed to talk about them? To keep up to date about them or totally forget that you went out with the guy/girl and forget the name?
Just recently a friend called me up and told me she was with a few couples and my ex-date's name came up....everyone there seem to know him, except for her. She just knew the name. She was surprised that everyone there knew him and wanted to know how they all knew him...but she couldn't ask..because she didn't want to say how she knew him. Now what would have happened if I was there?
Am I allowed to ask about his well being? Ask about his wife? His life? Or do I just forget that time period of my life and make believe I do not know him? And what happens if I meet him at a wedding? Do I ignore him or go over and say hi? What is the proper procedure for this? Why when I asked about him to friends..they want to know why I am asking? SHeesh, I am NOT allowed to see if people are okay? I mean, all I am asking is what has he done with himself over these past x amount of years that is all. No I am not interested in rekindling what may or may not have been there.
Why are people so touchy about this topic? Big deal! So you went out on a few dates, you might have gotten burnt, or been the burner, but such is life. This is part of the dating process. Not all of us are destined to marry the first person we date! So since we are not, why aren't we allowed to talk about once in a while? Why are there many who walk on egg shells when an ex-date gets engaged...or married, or has a kid? He/she is entitled too and that person was not for you, so big deal? Be happy!
But there are those people who just talk about ex-dates in front of current dates and that is bad. Why do other people feel it is necessary to talk about your previous dates with a current date? Explain that to me? Are they comparing ex-date to current date? Are they trying to scare of current date by saying ex-date was better?
So there has got to be a balance.
Mentioning exdates in front of new dates are bad, but you are allowed to talk about exdates...as long as it is YOU who inititated it and know when to stop asking!

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To be a blogger

2003-08-04T22:22:00.000-04:00

Today I decided to be a blogger. Why not? Lots of people have done it (note the past tense), yet there are many who are still doing it. It will fill the hockers void, fill the need for a new hocker...but we shall see how many will know of this blogspot.

So did you all enjoy the rain storm today? What a repreive from the hot days...but I thought we had enough rain in May and in June...did we really need more rain today? Guess it is to make up for last years drought that wasnt really one.

Great, I started a new blog, and here I am talking about the rain. What a great introduction to blogspot..gotta love it. Who says I will last? There are so many great leaders out there who have left or just couldn't hack it...who says I will be able to do so?
Need to learn how to get a Guest book so i can see who is out there.

Hope you enjoyed my first hock.