Rules of engagement

A very good friend of mine once wrote a list of things to do once engaged.

Dear Kallah,
Mazel Tov! You are a Kallah! You have been waiting for this very moment since the first chasunah you attended. This is you. You are the girl everyone is talking about, you are the girl who will be up there in the white gown smiling and saying tehillim and beaming to see your choson. But before you get there, don't forget....

1. Your single friends. Remember the good times you have had with them before your choson came along? Remember the long phone calls you had and the daily shmoozes you used to have with your girl friends...well now that you are engaged and soon to be married, do NOT forget them. Have them in mind. Keep on davening for them that they too should find the right one soon. But more importantly make the time for them. Yes, you are very busy but they do not understand. Talk to them often and not always about your wedding plans. Be sympathetic to them about their mishap dates and what is currently bothering them in their life. You used to be them just a little while ago...how quickly one forgets the agony of being single once they become two. You should not be about the girl you used to talk about how she dumped all her friends once she got married. Go out fo your way to be the best friend you always was...

2. Your mother. You know how your taste in style sometimes clashes. Or you think differently then her...but remember this is her little girl getting married. Have her in mind when you do things. Don't just go with your best friend to pick out a wedding gown, go with your mom. She wants to get all teary eyed when she sees you in that gorgeous gown for the first time. Include her in everything. She is not just the pocketbook. Be sensitive to her needs...afterall you are her little girl she raised all these years and now here you are ready to move on to bigger things. She doesn't want you to get hurt and she wants to protect you and she knows that she cannot. Ask her for suggestions and ask her for advice...and dont exclude her from all your plans. She is your Mommy after all.

3. In-laws. The biggest joke is calling them out-laws. They are nervous. You are a young girl taking their son away from them. They too want to protect him of all the evils out there. They don't know you just yet, and they do not know how to talk to you yet. Not sure what to say that wont hurt you. Remember they are your chosons parents and you need to treat them the way you want him to treat your parents. Mommy/Mom, Tatty/Aba/Daddy...You find what is right for you...and don't forget those erev shabbos and erev yomtov phone calls. Score some brownie points, they will appreciate your efforts even if they dont comment on it.

4. Up to the wedding, and you are working seating arrangements. Always so nice when the Kallah writes a few personal notes on the cards for her friends. Remind them you are still the same person you where a few months back before the engagement. Thank them for being them and being there for you. Give them a bracha, a bracha from a kallah is always nice.

5. Try to dance with everyone who came to the chasunah. Whether or not she was invited. Pull the shy girl in for a dance and give her a huge smile and thank her for coming. She will feel so much better about coming if she thinks she really made a difference. Of course it did.
Now smile and enjoy your engagement. Have fun.....

Would love to hear your comments, so please.....

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